Beauty In Submission

“Boys think girls are like books, if the cover doesn’t catch their eye they won’t bother to read what’s inside.” -Marilyn Monroe

At times, it’s easy to get caught up in a BDSM lifestyle. Submissives and Masters alike are prone to believing in the stereotypes often associated with adventurous sex lives. Living a BDSM lifestyle doesn’t always focus on sex however, leaving many men and women struggling to find how they fit into the BDSM mold. Once efforts to incorporate sex into every aspect of every single day have been exhausted, it’s understandable to be lost and confused. The definition of a submissive, or Master for that matter, doesn’t revolve around sex however but personality and overall desire.

Recently I’ve been forced to change my daily habits and this change has brought with it a new consideration into how I define myself as a submissive living a BDSM lifestyle. I’d like to pretend I don’t still struggle with the classic idea of submissive beauty… but I can’t. I see pictures of women tied up flawlessly with incredible amounts of rope, and think I don’t have a picture to match that beauty despite my Master enjoying such images. Every BDSM quote makes my blood race but also makes a part of me cringe in jealous disgust, as I don’t always feel capable of living up to such a pure idea of submission. No, living BDSM never has been an easy choice… but then again, there really wasn’t another choice to begin with.

Despite all these doubts, I’ve learned to grow confident. My Master has had to reassure me every step of the way, but I’m getting better at seeing through my feelings of insecurity. Part of being a submissive is longing to be found pleasing, and so, I’m stuck comparing myself to certain standards or concepts. The problem is… what really is the ideal submissive? Who decides what submission should look like? An easy answer would be to say my Master decides how submissive I am and what it looks like, but is this practical or even safe? If I solely define my submissive tendencies by my Master’s insight then what’s left for his discovery?

While I do certainly define certain parts of myself by my Master, I can’t define submissive beauty by his standard. I’ve never asked my Master what he considers the ideal submissive, or rather gotten no other answer than, “You.” which while sweet doesn’t help much. Being free to wander in a perpetual never ending search for what a beautiful submissive looked like, I found a surprising number of various answers. These answer caused me to delve deeper than the surface and ask the question I had been avoiding all along. I wasn’t questioning what beauty looked like in a submissive, but rather what a submissive looked like at all.

I think that’s why my Master could answer how he did every time I asked what the ideal submissive looked like to him. While I’m not the perfect submissive for everyone, I’m perfect for my Master’s needs. My Master sees me as submissive, beautiful, and therefore beautiful in my submission to him. This is also why I could never grasp my own beauty as a submissive, because I cannot physically submit to myself. As funny as it sounds, I really do believe this was the source of many initial conflicts within my mind. Now though, I’m learning to define submission in new ways.

True submission doesn’t always look well, submissive. I’m opinionated, and my Master enjoys watching me argue with his friends. On the surface, this behavior of challenging the opinion of men in particular doesn’t seem submissive in the least. Learning that such behavior is completely against my nature however, changes the issue entirely. For my Master, listening to me debate is a moment that showcases my beauty in submission. Cooking our meals might be routinely submissive to those outside the BDSM community, but it is in my knowing my Master doesn’t want to choose the food involved that really matters. The beauty of submission is definitely not what I first thought it was.

There are so many little ways I’ve learned to see submission in the daily routine. Most of these the average person could never pick up on, and many more no one but my Master will ever know to look for. My thoughts are a constant haven, though for my Master or myself I’m not sure. Submissives don’t always wear collars, rope, or even have any visible marks. Deep down though, there is a quality of submission no one will ever be able to take away. I am marked forever by my Master, and I am even more beautiful for it. True submission looks beautiful, and that’s all I ever need to remember. Beauty and submission are linked, and they go hand in hand perfectly.

That Loving Feeling

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

– Confucius-

There are those certain sensations I can never quite work my mind around. I’m sure we’ve all felt them, those sensations that make your mind race all at once. At times, these sensations can cause some rather humorous experiences. A majority of the time though, submissives live in a perpetual prison of their own minds. Every moment there is that brief longing for another sensation to send the mind spiraling out of control. Feeling this involuntary loss of control is bliss, but at times, it doesn’t happen fast enough.

The thing about living a BDSM lifestyle is that we have to face the inescapable moments that life hands us. These are the moments where an exception is made. How often does a submissive get told never take their collar off, only to have to take it off shortly after? When do plans always go the way their supposed to? What Master doesn’t experience the same personality changes a submissive soon learns to expect?  Life is definitely filled with unforeseeable changes, and at times, these can be quite difficult to accept.

One of the most difficult things about mental BDSM in particular is being taught to crave those mind altering sensations so strongly. My Master early on taught me to long for each and every sensation. Lately however, I have had to learn that experiencing such things consistently is not possible. While my mind was working itself up to learn to crave my Master’s attention and touch at all times, my life was requiring a brief break from this lifestyle. The mental anxiety I went through before even recognizing this change was quite painful. My habits changed almost immediately, and certainly before I could even prevent such a thing from happening.

Essentially trapped in this perpetually unending change, I learned to live with the anxiety. I’ve never both wanted to shove someone away and wanted a hug from them at the same time, but I admit… it happened. Submissives like myself really struggle when we’re handed a bit of freedom or choices of any kind. My Master probably would have prevented my brief freedom or rather independence, but there was nothing to be done. Being given that freedom for two weeks only cemented in my mind that I’m a submissive. I’m a wreck with choices, I really am. Sadly though, even with my freedom, all I wanted was to crawl in a warm bed with my Master and feel some of those wonderfully freeing sensations again.

The worst part of this brief freedom was the fact I was still required to be submissive as well. A mental BDSM lifestyle does not take a holiday, and so there were inescapable limbo situations. While I craved touch, sexual intimacy, even BDSM oriented conversation to disclose more of my thoughts, I was forced to be content with making dinner and seeing my Master happy with that. The thing was even with my Master happy, I felt like I was drowning in failure. It’s amazing what a reassuring touch really means when you’ve been taught to crave it for so long.

I want those touches and feelings back, but I’m working right now to relearn suitable behavior. My Master I’m sure doesn’t appreciate what two weeks of independence did to my mental state. I’m easily frustrated now, and I bite back when offered helped. I feel I have to do things myself, because it was part of hiding my submissive nature for so long. I’m internalizing like crazy, and it was only two weeks! Defensive submissives are probably bad submissives, but all I can do is admit what happened. I’m learning to operate in my feelings of security again, but it will take time. I want my sensations back. I want the mental bliss to come back again, though I don’t know how strongly it will last this time. I’m scared of coming back to this anxiety filled place again, but at least my Master knows what I’m like and what I need to make it through.

My lifestyle is just that… a lifestyle. As difficult as this may get, as much as life seems determined to throw at me, I don’t get to stop being submissive. I guess I get the impression too many people think of BDSM as always easy, pleasant, and enjoyable. BDSM lifestyles are just as difficult as any other. My Master’s preference for mental BDSM especially may tend to make matters even more complicated. Often times, I really am a prisoner in my own mind. The nice thing is my Master can also make my mind a sanctuary. Right now though, I’m having a difficult time knowing which is which. I want a day where just the two of us can go and talk about BDSM and our thoughts and not be bothered by outside influences or interruptions… but that’s not going to happen.

I’m having to learn that sometimes the interruptions present opportunities. I don’t like that though, and I want another hug instead. Those first sensations, those first obsessive thoughts, those first ways to achieve bliss are irreplaceable. My Master leaves marks on my body no whip ever could, as the marks he leaves will never fade. I crave things I never thought with an intensity I can’t describe… and yet the craving will never be met… at least not for a long time now. It’s scary to think about that… to make room for the future lifestyle not knowing where the future will go. My Master insists I just trust him and take it day by day, but I still have troubles executing that mentally.

Life is definitely complicated for a submissive, especially one handed a momentary bit of freedom. The shift back into complete submission is difficult. Each experience leaves a mark that will never completely go away, though it can fade or change. Right now, I’m struggling to feel the same sensations that gave me a sense of security and comfort. I guess in a way, I’m overwhelmed by life. There was something so simplistic about before where all I worried about was my next hug, kiss, and weird thought. Now I’m having to learn there’s so much more intense feelings to suffer through. Being a submissive means having the confidence in my Master to know it’ll all be alright, but I can’t wait to be over this next lesson as it’s a difficult one.

 

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twenty Six – Online BDSM Play

“What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?”

When I first think of BDSM play online, I can’t help but recall all the meetup websites, online chat rooms, or social networking sites dedicated to such purposes. My first instinct is to say I’m against online BDSM play. In my experience, the online world is filled with people making outrageous claims or doing extreme acts. Considering online play will be the first time experience many have with BDSM, I’m against this potentially risky relationship.

Thinking the matter over more in-depth however, my opinion isn’t so clear cut. The mere potential of online play to become harmful, isn’t any different than physical BDSM play done in person. Looking at the situation from that perspective, I have to take an honest look at the positives and negatives online play provides. While I may not feel online play is as effective as in person play, that’s hardly for me to dictate onto another person.

At first glance, my initial feelings toward online play involve mainly chat room. This play would probably be best summed up in sexually charged conversations, picture exchanging, or heated written fantasies. With the advancement of social networking, there are simply more possibilities now. For those so inclined, online BDSM play can now include video sharing or exchanges. This opens the door to endless BDSM experiences all conducted discreetly over the latest social website.

Considering this form of play, I have to admit, I hardly disprove. For one thing, this allows individuals an exposure to BDSM play without the potential physical harm. Exchanging fantasies will help many individuals explore their kinky side, without going too far too soon. In a way, I’m actually hoping more people embrace this kind of exposure to the BDSM community. Keep in mind though, this would be a door opening experience more than anything else.

Another benefit to online play remains in the stereotypes surrounding BDSM. Because of the apprehension and disapproval out there, many individuals do not have the luxury of living a BDSM lifestyle openly. For many people, BDSM sessions must be conducted in private, if they can find individuals to engage in such play at all. Today, online play allows many of these people to satisfy their natural kinks. At least in this, I wholeheartedly support online BDSM play.

Still, there are a few negatives with only BDSM play taking place online. It’s worth noting, this viewpoint may focus heavily on those just starting their BDSM journey. That said, consider the things an individual cannot learn through such online play. The boundary pushing task of enduring a whip’s sting for example, cannot be learned over social media. An individual who is new to BDSM play in general, may get the wrong confidence of what they enjoy. When this transfers into in person play, the individual can have a vastly different experience.

Lastly, I feel it is necessary to discuss exchanging pictures in today’s society. While in the past there hasn’t been such a stigma surrounding sexual images, at least when sent privately from person to person. This attitude is changing. Today, individuals are starting to second guess such behavior. Many individuals involved in online play will find this a difficult subject to navigate, and the choice is always up to the person.

While online BDSM play has become more commonplace, finding a clear attitude on the subject is difficult. Personally, my own views reflect only my limited experience in the matter. For beginners, online play might be the door opener to a world they’ve always longed to have. On the other, online play can leave wrong impressions or permit possibly dangerous situations. For myself, the issue isn’t approving or disproving online play in general, but rather, for the individuals involved.

 

 

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twenty Four – Partner Qualities

“What qualities do you look for in a partner?”

At first, the ideal qualities of a partner are temptingly summed up in the material. It’s common to think I simply want a partner I’m attracted to, or that I want a partner that’s sexually adventurous. Common phrases such as, I want a partner that completes me, or the infamous someday my prince will come, do nothing to help. Summing up the perfect partner deserves better than society’s viewpoint, for the ideal BDSM partner, I need to open up about my own personal expectations.

What makes an ideal partner is not made up of my strengths, but weaknesses. As a submissive, I have personality traits that are well, a difficulty. At times, I find certain daily tasks almost impossible. The perfect partner then, can identify these weaknesses. Not only does the ideal partner identify my weaknesses, but he knows how to turn them into a positive. To him, my weaknesses are merely part of my personality, a trait to be desired. So, here’s a few examples of what goes into my perfect partner and the ideal working partnership.

Daily Protector:  I can admit it, I’m easily down on myself. What I love about my partner is the fact he protects me from this attitude. Initially, I thought guys protecting women came down to ownership or physical protection. This couldn’t be more inaccurate. What I need, what I crave most, has been this emotional protection from myself. The minute I start talking bad about myself, I get this look and a firm statement not to do it. That’s all I need, well… that and the really amazing hugs of reassurance.

Clear Ownership: Looking back, my one problem in life was wanting to fit in. Instinctively, I sought to belong in the ways only a submissive can. My partner has since shown me the error of my ways. As a submissive, I’m going to standout in wonderful ways. What I really need is to remember I have someone I belong to. At the end of the day, I have a man wrapping his arm around my shoulders claiming me as his own.

Bold Personality:  With a submissive personality, I often find myself sticking to the familiarity of minimal conversation. Stating my opinion, especially with men, isn’t an easy task. Having a partner that not only encourages such conversations, but expects them is incredibly necessary. The more my partner pushes with gentle precision, the easier it has been to state my opinions in the proper settings. Plus, it earns me one hell of an approving smile.

Pushes Boundaries: At first, this seems required for a Master and submissive relationship. This isn’t only sexual however, but a daily grind of my emotional self. As a submissive, I tend to be introverted. Having someone who requires me to come out of my shell, like it or not, is an essential need. The protective wall I’ve built around myself to function in a world of choices and independence doesn’t have to be constant. At times, I can lean on someone long enough to travel out of my usual boundaries.

Personal Relationship: It’s important to note when it comes to my own partners, I need a deeper relationship than most. My perfect partner is the person I spend forever with, and who knows me unlike any other. We can spend our days talking for hours, and still see the Master submissive dynamics between us in unspoken gestures. While this may not be ideal for most people, a personal relationship has become a need for my submissive self. To fully submit, I must have the ability and chance to learn all I can about my loving Master. After all, fully giving of myself warrants the investment of a personal intimate relationship.

The qualities of a partner are essential to narrow down before one can find their perfect partner. While I’ve mentioned a few of my most necessary traits, I recognize there’s a thousand more. I cannot express the importance of having someone who holds me, caresses me daily, or keeps me teased for hours on end. The way my Master makes me smile, especially when I feel like I can’t, doesn’t have a proper name to describe such a trait. In the end, maybe what it boils down to is love. My perfect partner is made up of love.

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Three – Sexual Discovery

“How did you discover you were kinky?”

Growing up Bisexual is tough enough, without discovering if one is kinky or not. The first hint I ever had at being kinky was my first few crushes. I hit an age where crushing on older men was no longer “cute” but “creepy.” Such a thing went unnoticed, as it was a subtle indication. From that moment though, there was a silent understanding that I shouldn’t talk about my sexual interests. There wasn’t a person I trusted in my social circles, at least, not one I’d tell that level of secret with. Because I had no one to talk to, I grew up feeling separate, but also somewhat “normal.” It wasn’t until I actually started experimenting with people that I understood I was kinky. When people asked me what I was into and I actually told them, most were pleasantly surprised. Even learning that way, it still took quite some time before learning any labels for my desires.

After finding out that BDSM was actually a community of people with a set frame for desires, I understood being kinky. I noticed that there was a certain set of desires I had, that I saw other people taking to an extreme. This extreme, having a label, was especially exciting and alluring. Finally having parameters to explore the depths of my actual desires, made them very apparent. At a younger age, I was forced to realize my desires weren’t even a passing thought for those around me. My friends were wondering if their crush liked them too, while I was debating what if I should ask to be whipped or not. Such a realization made me vastly different, and extremely kinky. Dating like this was impossible, and because of that the fact of it just set in more so. I was separate from people, even knowing the BDSM community existed, as I was under eighteen.

Being under eighteen and discovering one is kinky, is a huge burden and cruel trick of fate. If one is inclined to like older partners especially, being under eighteen, means never getting to explore ones kinks right away. Dating is difficult, especially operating under the assumption one is into their kinks, while never having any actual experience.That first BDSM themed relationship, is entirely awkward. Both people suspect they are kinky, but both doubt the ability to actually go through with their agreed upon kinks. This is part of growing up, or exploring ones sexual self, and yet, I think we’d all like to skip this step. It’s a terrible part of discovering if one is kinky or not, and if done incorrectly, can scar a person’s sexual maturity. Luckily, I ended up being exactly the person I thought I was by eighteen, which made a huge difference.

The first sexual experience someone has, when they start exploring their kinky self, is extremely rewarding. For me, it involved many different aspects of BDSM. My first time involved bondage, punishment, exhibition (somewhat), dominance, knife play, and tons of submission. All of these acts, even when first explored, proved that I was indeed kinky. Not only was the recognition there with myself, but in the eyes of others as well. It was an important distinction in my mind, the fact that someone would find my desires kinky, ensured the correct labels. After that moment, after those initial acts, I felt more confident in myself, and my abilities. Calling myself kinky fit, and I started exploring my place within the BDSM community, though not as much as I’d have liked.

Being kinky is something that doesn’t fade with time, or simply just go away. The process of finding out one is kinky though, is a tough and brutal task. Without help, without advice, there isn’t much a person can do without really knowing themselves. Even truly feeling like the kinky label applies, takes a confidence when speaking with other people. When it comes to sexual acts however, there often is a validation through action alone. This is what makes being kinky so tough, that self doubt. Reassurance though through that discovery process, is usually enough to motivate new discoveries. Each process is different though, what made mine so difficult was the age I was at. Otherwise, finding out there was a label for my desires, just made me feel more at home with myself.

Thirty Days of Kink: Day One – Kinky Self

“Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.”

BDSM is one of those interesting, all encompassing terms that implies quite a bit. I think because of that, over time, the “kinky self” changes. As one explores ones desires, the curiosity that sparks leads to newer and better explorations. So, in a way, all areas of BDSM interests me. That’s not to say that I enjoy every aspect being done to or with me. I do think though that it’s quite interesting to explore BDSM as a whole. Sexually, it’s generally a good rule to explore, be open minded, but understand ones limits. I know, it may sound like a vague answer, but it’s honest. I promise, it’ll get better, but it needs to be said. BDSM as a whole, in my opinion, needs to be explored in general, before picking up or dividing parts of it. The length of time necessary though, depends on the individual.

For myself, I see myself as a submissive. I love exploring all the ways that someone can be seen as submissive, both in the bedroom and outside of it.  Exploring the depths of submission both sexually, and culturally, is vastly pleasurable. Just as I enjoy the topic of submission though, means I also enjoy exploring the opposite of it. One needs a Master, or Dominate, and with that comes the various parts of another’s “kinky self.” Discipline, Bondage, Masochism, all interest me, but they all stem off of the act of submission. In a way, for my own sense of sexual self, it’s finding how my submission leads into the community as a whole. What acts are made better by a submissive outlook, and how a submissive finds her/his place with Masters and others. That’s the tough part, finding how everyone interacts.

Another thing that I feel makes my submissive identity more difficult, is the fact I’m Bisexual. Naturally, I interact with men and women quite differently. When it comes to women, I’m actually quite possessive and dominate. For me, being submissive to a woman is out of the question, and a hard line that shouldn’t be crossed. Because of that fact, it was complicated to find my identity at first. The truth of it seemed quite conflicting, as any label was required to fit both extensions of myself. Over time, with more exploration into the dynamics of BDSM, I learned that this is actually quite normal. Because I’m a slave to a Master, which is my overall preference, all I need be concerned about is the label that best defines myself. Exceptions are easier to handle, than the overall first impressions.

My sexual self has grown more aware, and therefore more curious. I’ve always known myself to be a person that was into BDSM. Because of that, my exploration started maybe earlier than most, leaving me free to explore a little more earnestly. It’s one thing to define myself as a submissive, it’s quite another to say that because of that, I’m a sex slave. For many people these labels bring two totally different images to mind. No matter how hard I try, the two will always set different definitions that vary person to person. That being said, I really am both of those things. Community wise, I navigate between the two, exploring how the definitions work together. At times, it’s more interesting to know how they diverge however. Learning what traits apply when and how, is perhaps the thing that makes the community extremely valuable.

My sexual self is actually…quite interesting. The BDSM community has been a place I can feel at home, or understood more likely than not. To give a full in depth explanation of my “kinky self” however, is quite difficult. For me, a full definition requires actual interaction, so most people would find that unappealing. Trying though, I’m a submissive, and so the parts of BDSM I’ve come to be interested in reflect that. For me, the way different interests are interconnected is critical. My definition of myself, explains the depths of my interests. Overall, I’m vastly intrigued by all parts of the BDSM community and understanding sexual kinks as a whole. That may not mean you’ll find me participating in every kinky things though, but there’s nothing better than understanding all ones options. Might as well better know myself right?

Questions, Curiosity, & Answers

“There’s nothing like pure brutal honesty to highlight the nature of mankind.”

The BDSM community likes to regulate itself, and encourage understanding within the people that call the community home. Sometimes, people come up with some pretty good questions for partnerships to explore, or even just plain answer for themselves. That being said, I find the idea that the questions below were oriented for a Master intriguing. For me, I saw them as perfect for a slave to tell a Master. So, I suppose they can work either way, after all, it’s a relationship, and they work both ways. All in the interest of fun and vulnerable honesty, here’s the questions I found, and my corresponding answers.

What are your most important kinks?

Personally, my most important kinks have to deal with the sensation of security. At times, this results itself in the kink of non-consent, extreme submission, or kinks of that kind. Another important part of my kinks is feeling sexually free, so kinks like group sex, performing for others, or being powerless in regards to others pleasure is important. The details of my various kinks though are for my Master to know. 

How often do you need them?

The easy answer is daily, I need those kinks expressed daily. It seems extreme I know, but the depths of the more extreme kinks are emotionally based within my being. Not expressing that part of myself, leads to things like depression, lack of self worth, and a terrible view of my sexual attraction. 

Do you enjoy vanilla sex?

Yes, I do. There’s something extremely intimate between two people who both enjoy vanilla sex. I think if more people within the BDSM community voiced that, there’d be less problems actually. For me, the problem is when I feel like vanilla sex is the only desired intimacy. If I feel trapped sexually, then I stop enjoying any sexual act altogether. 

What are the five most intense kinky things you’ve done?

Without being too graphic, because there are personal limits, I’ll just give a very basic list. The five most kinky things I’ve done that felt intense: knife play, delayed gratification, abuse play, punishment/discipline, and non-consent.

How did you do aftercare in those cases?

Actually, in many of those cases, there was no aftercare (not recommended). What happened was there were many conversations beforehand. A deeper understanding beforehand, often meant that for aftercare cuddling, and just feeling loved was all that was necessary. At times, conversing about what just transpired is good too, if not necessary. 

What are your thoughts on safewords?

Personally, I detest safewords, as I find they ruin the mood. Because of that though, I form deep bonds with my Master. There tends to be more time spent learning what my limits are, where a safeword could just suffice. This is a personal preference though, and I fully support using safewords. 

Have you read how-to books or taken classes on BDSM?

Actually, I never have and this is mainly by necessity and not choice. The books I have read are well loved books of the community. Personally, I find the conversations they spark to be more beneficial and rewarding. This is why I love to write, I think words have immense ability to create understanding too. 

Emotional Conversations of Healing

“The walls we build don’t always keep out harm, but they always separate us from the healing of others.”

Within a Master slave relationship, there is by nature, a building up of a person’s identity. Many times, slaves need to be built back up, due to past relationships, past situations, or even just past explorations. The process of healing those wounds, of building up what someone tore down, is a very vulnerable one. In order to do so, a slave must be extremely honest, and at times, travel outside of their comfort zone. In return, a Master has the task of maintaining a difficult balance between patience and encouraging. Imagine knowing the depths of a person, and having to exclude ones own experience, ones own opinion, and ones own wishes in order to help a person become who they wish to be. Masters do this not because they have to, but because they are capable of an immense amount of love.

With that immense amount of love, comes the complicated task of reading a slave. Personally, I have learned to be a very quiet individual, at least when it comes to such past issues. If I get emotionally hurt, I’ll silently sulk for days on end, wanting help, but feeling unable to voice it. This is not the desired behavior of a slave, and I’m learning to speak up. To clarify, the undesirable behavior isn’t the sulking or the emotional expression of sadness, no, taking such a burden by myself is the worst behavior I can do as a slave. My Master desires to help heal such wounds, desires to know every thought, and censoring even the saddest of thoughts, is a punishable offense. In that case however, the punishment is far more embarrassing than any sexual act that could ever be performed by two people.

Having to own up to my emotional thoughts, to lay bare my heart, is quite the “punishment.” There comes a breaking point, a moment where I need someone to let me know I don’t have to be strong by myself. Over time, slaves without Masters learn to be extremely strong, extremely determined, and this carries over into the times a slave is finally owned. The moment a slave needs to cry, wants to cry, and yet holds back from doing so, their Master sees it immediately. How a Master deals with that moment, how he tells a slave it’s okay is different with every relationship. Even moments can be different, at times a forceful response is best, other times, simply insisting a slave stay held close is enough. Whichever is the case, the comfort for the slave is unparalleled.

After such moments pass, there’s a comfort that a slave rejoices in. With my experience, I become an almost entirely different person. I’m filled with happiness, comfort, peace, love, and I wish to express much in return. After those moments, I could spend my entire life pouring out past issues, current thoughts, and just baring my soul outright. No one, and I mean no one, could ever take away those moments now. Anyone who thinks Master slave relationships don’t matter or aren’t positive, has certainly never seen that moment for a slave. There’s a delicate line between roughness and gentleness, and understanding it is quite complicated. A slave though, is resilient, and needs to openly show her heart for a Master to see what she needs either way.

Some lessons are really tough to learn, and takes reinforcement that doesn’t come easy. A Master slave relationship though means that communication is just a necessity, it’s an expectation. There’s no shame in saying exactly how one feels, even if it’s not easy for the person to hear. A Master is happier to hear the feeling, rather than left to guess. The more intimate the relationship, the more this is understood. Sure, such lessons take time, and variations of reinforcement, but slaves need to help themselves too. Remembering how one feels after the process is done, can really comfort those moments of doubt a slave has. Still though, such times as a reinforcement of love between everyone involved. Something that many people, unfortunately, don’t even know they can experience.

Being Together

“Being yourself is the only thing that truly matters in this life. Others can’t be you, only you can be you. If you live to make others happy, you’ll lose yourself altogether.”

Slaves belong with their Master, there’s never been a doubt about that. Leave a slave alone without her Master, and within seconds, the slave will feel the loss. In fact, the mental struggle a slave will go through, even momentarily without their Master, is not a pretty one. As the relationship between Master and slave builds, so does the need for closeness. There are moments that Masters and slaves can only share together with physical presence. So the fact that, as a slave, I was halfway around the world, wasn’t going to work. Ever since becoming a “formal” slave, I knew that eventually, I would have to travel. Overtime, I even grew to a point where I could no longer stand the separation between my Master and I. There was a huge need that just built up, one that formed in the depth of my desperation, or the needs I possessed as a slave.

Slave needs can motivate a slave to do a great many tasks they normally wouldn’t. Without my Master with me, I didn’t think i could do all the necessary steps to travel. There were many steps involved in the traveling process, especially due to traveling internationally.The list of difficulties is endless, packing, obtaining a passport, buying a plane ticket, and the emotional separations are tough to handle. While my Master was there for every step of this process, guiding which ones to do when, carrying out the task can still be quite difficult. Sure, there’s the knowledge that at the end of it all I’ll be with my Master, but that doesn’t help at the time. Sometimes the true motivating force is to just complete the task, breaking the entire process up into small redundant tasks. This leads however, to simply sitting there, with nothing to do, and being driven mad by it.

Truth be told, traveling is stressful enough, but traveling as a slave, can be far more stressful. My Master and I barely slept the last week, maybe even the last two weeks. It wasn’t worry or fear, but rather the anticipation of finally being together that kept us from sleeping. At times, the sleep we did get was only due to there being pure exhaustion, only to wake and feel just as tired. What mattered though was being together, at least as much as possible. Planning was better when we both contributed, a trait many wouldn’t realize. A Master can’t have a slave travel just by his own doing, it takes the slave’s willingness and knowledge to do it as well. In some ways, traveling for a slave, can be a testing of their true strength, determination, and dedication to her Master.

The emotional ups and downs are not only normal, they’re expected of a slave. Most people don’t pack all they own, and then fly out the country. As a slave, I was heavily dependent on my Master through the whole process. Once I started travelling though, there wasn’t much to be done for help. There are feelings of loneliness a slave will feel, while also feeling extremely excited at the same time. It takes a wonderful Master to understand these emotional ups and downs. Mine showed immense patience with me, and it takes more than one blog posting to show it. I did have a few moments where I wanted to break down and forget the whole thing, but I couldn’t and didn’t. My Master understood what I needed at those times, though sometimes, all I needed was someone to simply listen to the solutions in my head.

Traveling is extremely difficult, but it can also be a necessary part of a slave’s life. Not every slave will have to travel to the extreme lengths of my experience. For me though, it was perhaps the biggest step I will take in my lifetime. Masters and slaves truly belong together, and once together, will rarely separate. Now that I’m with my Master, having recovered from jet lag, and settled into a routine, I can start retelling every experience. At times there were emotional ups and downs, but truth be told, I’d do the whole thing again. Out of the experience I became a different person, a more confident person, and truer to myself than I’ve ever been. I was born a slave, it’s in my nature to be so, and now that I’m with my Master, there’s no reason to ever feel doubt or shame about it. Truth be told, I’ve never been so happy.

Capturing a Moment of Desire & Need

“In the darkness, there is much beauty. In beauty, there is much pleasure.”

At night, I lay in my bed, and my thoughts once again wander to my Master. So many times, I know, he is sleeping in his own bed as well. Being apart from him, is like a knife to my heart, suddenly pulled away, leaving the wound to bleed in a gush of anguish. Still though, in the darkness of my room, with the serenity of my thoughts, my Master is there. No distance could keep us apart in our mental and emotional yearnings. As I lay there, I am so certain that he and I are connected. No thought could be unknown to him, and so my soul is an open book. My heart, captures the hidden secrets for his eyes only, and he slowly writes each one on my skin. As I lay there, in the silence, hearing only my breathing, feeling my chest rise and fall, I am overcome with a need for my Master.

Each night, I am filled with the needs of a slave. I cannot control myself, or my desire, both longing for my Master’s possession. This longing is made worse, as soon I will be completely his in physical presence. The bed of mine feels suddenly, too warm, too comforting. Sheets and blankets surround my bare skin, heightening every sensation, every move of my body. In that darkness, there are many movements, many ways my body begs for my Master, for release. Having him there, would be complete sexual release, and emotional bliss. I long to wake to my Master’s touch, his kiss, a simply gaze from him. To find myself suddenly in an unknown room, in an unfamiliar place, but in his bed, is all I could long for. Some nights, I am certain, that in my dreams, there is no other place I would dare dream of.

Dare I admit to the world, that in that moment, in my deepest need, I touch myself? I think, that I cannot help but confess I do, oh God I do. There is always that moment, where I find my sex completely hot, and yet, so completely soaking wet. Just the mere thought of my Master, is enough to leave my sheets soaked. My fingers need not even stimulate me, and I am so completely lost in pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, there is much exploration of my body, trying to capture the wants of my Master, his own pleasures. At all times, in that moment though, the edge of bliss is reached by pure thought of my Master. To be so completely his, is the ultimate arousal, the highest level of need I can possess. I feel, in that moment, my body yield to him, even without him there. Better yet, is the realization, that my body needs and wants to be his.

My slave needs always seem to overtake me in my tiredness. There is just, perhaps, no longer the need to fight them to simply function any longer. With the day done, I can let all walls down, and be myself again. I must confess, that some nights, I make myself pass out with exhaustion. There is with me, the heightened pleasure of what my Master will do with, and to me. At times, I find myself completely needing release after release, and I know my Master will explore that to its depth. In the complete darkness, emotionally feeling connected to my Master, I explore that part of myself openly. For him is reserved every pleasurable experience, and every heightened thought. The way he finds complete pleasure in the intimacy between us, only repeats a cycle of intimacy and love.

Yes, in the darkness, there is a private release, a moment known only by myself. Still though, while being separated from my Master, he is there. My needs grow to that of a slave, and I am overtaken by them. My body already yields, and my mind always has prior to that moment. I need though, to confess this process, this feeling, this desire, to those my Master wishes to hear it. While there is complete dependence, need, and want, there is also no shame of it. My body openly wants my Master, and it is a pure lust, one that my Master can be proud of. While there is tenderness and intimacy, there is also a deep understanding that cannot be communicated. To put everything simply, I love my Master, I long for him, and with every level of my being, I am his.