Thirty Days of Kink: Day Thirty – Mental BDSM

“Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.”

Deciding what to talk about after discussing so many topics has been quite difficult. I wanted to discuss what I’ve learned through completing this blog challenge, but then again, there’s so many other topics to go along with that. After thinking about it for a bit, I wanted to touch on the one topic that’ll sum up many of my views, experiences, and lessons over this blog project and first year of submission with my Master. My views of what BDSM entails, and what it even looks like have been dramatically impacted. My thoughts have changed, my understanding has grown, and I’d like to share those changes as I think they’ll interest many living a BDSM lifestyle.

When I was first told I would be living a BDSM lifestyle, I thought certain things. I had ideas about what I’d be wearing, how I’d be spending my day, and how my Master would interact with me. Quite quickly I learned that my Master had no desire to learn what these impressions were on my part. While he listened, while he was curious, at the end of the day, I was his to do with as he pleased. The choice of how I was “officially” submissive was his alone to make. I had given up that choice to him, and as a result had to simply trust the direction we would head in. Quite quickly, I discovered my Master was taking me to unknown places, and many of these places didn’t seem to be within my initial views of what submission entailed.

To start off with, I thought submission required a certain outfit or look. Yup, I thought a submissive had bonds on them, wore leather or sexy lingerie, and above all, I thought they spent a majority of their time tied up or on their knees. Such a view seems funny to me now, but I know where these ideas came from. Initial searches of the word submissive or BDSM turn up such results. In other words, I had ideas of what BDSM should look like on a surface level. Never had I actually lived a full BDSM lifestyle, and not doing so had warped my views of such things. Needless to say, I was shocked when my Master kept me unclothed, by his side in a chair, and allowed me the freedom to write at my leisure.

Given those privileges, I felt like a bad submissive. I wasn’t whipped regularly to remind me of my place. I wasn’t corrected for disobedience (at least in my mind). There were no spankings, no harsh words, and no bondage sessions. Instead, I found my Master to be quite intimate. His touch was gentle but insistent, a touch I easily longed for. The way he kept me at his side and cuddled endlessly with me thrilled my mind and soul. I cannot describe the vast difference such a soft seeming form of dominance was to me. This happened every day, never once did it change no matter how much I begged. Why did I beg to change what I enjoyed? Because I thought it wasn’t BDSM. I was afraid of not fitting the ideal definition of submissive.

Somewhere along the way I did many searches for BDSM themed images and quotes. I missed the common thread of what those quotes said. Instead, I focused on pictures and quotes of what I thought BDSM was. Physical BDSM was all I knew, and even that was a stretch. No one had ever told me there were other forms of BDSM. My Master told me he enjoyed a different form of BDSM, but I didn’t fully grasp such a concept. I thought, even with mental BDSM, I would feel the dominance. That’s the appeal of mental BDSM though, a submissive doesn’t always become aware of their submission right away. My Master was good at what he did, and I didn’t feel it at all. I was changing and learning, but failed to notice the overall way he dominated me.

Throughout the course of this last year, I lost some abilities. Okay, I gave them up to my Master (or rather he took them). One of the abilities I lost was to brush my own hair. Brushing my own hair is forbidden, and trust me, my Master notices if I do. This started without a firm rule set into place. After a bath one day, my Master simply brushed my hair for me. He told me he enjoyed doing so. That was all it took for him to take away my ability to brush my hair. The longer I let him brush my hair, the more my own choice to do so vanished. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t pick up the brush on my own. My Master never even had to say not to, he simply had to impact my daily routine.

Another thing that changed was my alone time. I’m not sure what alone time is anymore. My ideal alone time involved cuddling my Master, or perhaps writing while right beside him. I’m a part of my Master and much as he is a part of me, and so there is no separation. To others, this version of alone time seems absurd. Trust me though, I don’t handle being apart from him well. Because I don’t want to be apart from my Master, he’s been able to dramatically impact my habits. There are so many things he’s changed for the better. He impacts how I work, how I sleep, how I think, and how I daydream. All of these changes are positive, and were never felt during their transition. I was completely dominated, and never knew it.

This new form of dominance, once discovered and able to be seen in myself, dramatically changed how I see submission and BDSM. Mental BDSM is certainly a term I’ve come to view with endearment. That original picture of a submissive though, well that has changed. I’ve thrown away the stereotypes of what it meant to be a submissive. That’s the thing about living a BDSM lifestyle, not everyone is meant to live the same way. We all have different kinks and motivating fantasies, and because of this we have varying views of what submission looks like. Now, the way I see submission is best summed up in a quote… not an image. Perhaps the best quote is this: “She knew she loved him when home went from being a place to being a person.”

 

 

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twenty Nine – BDSM Titles

“Do you have a BDSM title? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?”

Titles aren’t a huge part of my BDSM life, though they’re always floating there in the back of my mind. To me, the idea of a title is a makeshift identity. In a way, a title can replace a name. In a submissive sense, the more a submissive comes into their submission, the more comfortable and earned the title seems. For me, this has been something I lack. Having a constant BDSM lifestyle means that such titles aren’t practical. It’s actually funny how some titles can be acknowledged without every being spoken. While I don’t have a specific BDSM title assigned, there are a few titles that creep up every once in a great while. These titles should be seen as compliments though, not necessarily a constant term used every day.

Slave Girl – I love this term, but when used around others it can draw too much attention. To me a slave girl is deeper than a submissive, as she has given up the choice to stop a BDSM lifestyle and lives it constantly. This term is a huge compliment in my mind, and requires being acknowledged whenever its used. In a way, I see my Master’s use of this term as possessive. Every time I’m referred to as a slave girl I get a bit of a smile, and am reminded someone desired enough to take me as their own.

Slut – Okay so this term is a bit overly used and mainly in my own mind. I think females tend to use the term in a derogatory way to arouse themselves. Being a slut seems appealing, and there’s an instinctive urge to resist owning up to such a sexually explicit term. My Master to this day hasn’t really used this term, nor do I think he has an affinity for it. At times my sexual desire can be described as slutty, but that’s basically where it ends. It’s funny though, because I stopped seeing the term slut as bad a long time ago. I think a slut is something to be proud of, though within reason.

Daddy’s Girl – This term would probably be used more by others to describe myself than anything else. Many of my kinks focus on what has become known as a Daddy’s Girl. There’s a fun playfulness to this term, no matter the submission level involved. When I think of my BDSM lifestyle, that’s what I want. No matter what my Master chooses to do, I’d like him to always look at me and see that playful innocence. What can I say? I’m easily embarrassed, I love to snuggle, and I have a deep urge to be completely dependent on my Master. If some describe that attitude as a Daddy’s Girl, I’ll own up to that title.

Kajira – While this term is rooted in the Gor novels, it was the first one I grew to love. My Master called me his kajira, and my heart instantly leapt into my throat. I wanted to instantly become the living definition of a kajira. Since that first moment though, I’ve learned to have my own identity. The use of this term has faded into the background, and my Master does not wish to live a complete Gorean lifestyle. That said, I still have great affection for this term. It’s the one term with no harshness or negativity to overcome in my mind. This term is special, and perhaps that’s why it is used so rarely.

My Own Name – My personal name might seem funny to include, but there’s a huge weight now associated to its use. At the beginning of my submission, I no longer needed one. Names were used between Masters and Mistresses, not necessary for slave girls. That initial loss of hearing my name, of answering to whatever an individual desired, has left a lasting impression in my mind. At times, the use of my name by my Master has the weight of a parent scolding their child. Other times, it’s bliss to hear.

The identity of a title can be seen in the common use of our general names. When mine became infrequent, I learned to associate my sense of self with other terms. These terms vary in personal favor, but I’ve gained a very important lesson. I now have the ability as a submissive to adapt to any surroundings. If my Master desires I use my personal name, I listen for its use. When my name isn’t used, it can tell me far more about a situation than first expected. Even my Master’s choice to disclose some terms in reference to myself with others can be quite revealing. In the end, terms are not frequently used in my personal BDSM lifestyle, but they carry that much more weight when they are.

 

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twenty Eight – Clothing In BDSM

“How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?”

Clothing has always been a struggle in my life. I’m not fashion conscious, nor do I really care. As a teenager, I was definitely a tomboy type in how I dressed. On any random day I would often wear a pair of pants and a far larger sports shirt than was necessary. To say this initial clothing lacked any sex appeal is an understatement. When I finally cared about my appearance in the interest of high school pressures, I went a bit extreme. My clothes became a tool to communicate my feelings of being an outsider, and bordered on a few of my BDSM interests.

Initially, the clothing I chose was anything black or red. I’d been told red brought out my eyes, and so I always wore red when I wanted to put a sexier foot forward. Did I mention how young and a bit silly I was? To go with this rather formless clothing that still never managed to quite hide my shape regardless, I chose numerous accessories. Into BDSM by then, I chose accessories I thought highlighted this well. Looking back, I really was struggling to communicate my submissiveness to anyone interested. I wore handcuff themed necklaces, collars of various sorts, and chains on my jeans. Little did I know how everything would soon change.

Now that I’m older and involved in a BDSM lifestyle, my clothing has changed. If I had to sum up how I dressed for BDSM or kink play, I’d say the one rule is simple I go without. While it may seem silly to say this has a significant impact, not wearing clothing really does play its own role in the kinky play. I’m allowed my collar, but that’s pretty much it. If it wasn’t clear already, I’m very shy and insecure about my body. Not wearing clothing around my Master wasn’t an easy step. In time though, it’s dramatically impacted my self esteem in such positive ways! Not wearing clothes means I also give more thought now to the clothes I do wear.

At the moment, I’m obsessed with never wearing pants again. Ever since reading how O’s character was forbidden from wearing pants, I’ve wanted to get rid of them in my own wardrobe. Sadly, cold weather doesn’t always make this an easy transition. The new emphasis on skirts and dresses though has brought out a more feminine appeal in my mind. When I wear a dress or skirt I feel beautiful, and in that initial thought I long to embrace more of my submissive tendencies. Yes wearing feminine attire makes me feel vulnerable and a little insecure, but I also recognize the boost to my self confidence it leads to.

There are other ways I can see clothing impacting BDSM play, especially for my lifestyle. I loved the first Gor book I read, and I’ve been wanting to incorporate some Gorean elements into my dress. I’m learning that a long flowing skirt with an insanely large slit up the side and revealing top might just be the ideal submissive outfit. Also I should mention if said outfit has a fishnet design as well, I may actually need it! Deep down my taste in clothing for BDSM play is probably best described as outdated, but appealing. I can’t see ever wearing such an outfit in public without standing out, but if that brings a sense of pride to my Master why not stand out and feel sexy?

Perhaps that’s been the biggest impact in the clothing choices I’m readjusting to. No longer do I dress with the idea of meeting the expectations of society. I don’t seek to even meet the ideal definition of what is sexy in the bedroom for kink play. What I’m really longing for now is to simply please my Master. While I’d like to pick an outfit out at random and find he approves instantly, I also find I enjoy the experience of him picking out the clothing for me. There’s a wonderful bliss in losing the ultimate choice in what my closet is filled with. Even now when I still have those tomboy clothes, they’ve been locked away on my own accord. I don’t want them anymore, and I’m not ashamed to embrace the femininity I’ve otherwise been scared of.

Aside from picking out clothing with a heavy BDSM feel or lack of clothing at all, I’m enjoying the femininity. Part of who I am has always felt a deep embarrassment from the fact I’m female. Why this is or how it started I’m not really sure, but I am uncomfortable in my female skin. Embracing then what some women consider the best part of being female can only lead to good things. I might be humiliated wearing a pink dress, but eventually that initial shame wears off… and I start to feel sexy! For a moment, I can pull a dress from my closet and know my Master finds such a dress beautiful on my body. Clothing definitely has an impact on BDSM play, even if it’s an unspoken one.

Lastly, I’ve started to learn that a scantly clad female can be even sexier than one wearing nothing. This ability to cover just the right part of the female anatomy is a skill learned over time, and can be perfected. Perhaps this should be a new goal of mine once I fully embrace my femininity. I love those skirts that jingle as a woman walks, and I bet they’d be a good addition to a submissive’s wardrobe. Is there anything more eye catching or more feminine than a short skirt that jingles? Anyway, we’ll see what can be gotten away with or what my Master even likes. I have a feeling that I’ll still be wearing a significant lack of clothing in our BDSM play, no matter what outfit my Master may like to see me in for a brief while.

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twenty Seven – Non Kink Interests

“Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?”

With so many interests, I can only suppose a few of them were bound to find their way into my kinky activities. At first, there was a huge desire within myself to force my interests into kinky activities. I was a little silly in that regard, but I didn’t exactly know how to advertise being submissive. Most of these initial interests were faded out of the kinky activities, as they didn’t belong there at all. The more confident I became in my identity as a submissive, the more my non-kink interests seemed to become separated in my mind. Interestingly though, I’ve managed to still keep what I think are core non-kink interests throughout my kinky lifestyle.

History – One of the first loves in my life was history, which started out as a specific interest in mythologies. Why anyone insists their impressionable child should read mythology stories, I’m not sure but it probably has something to do with the noticeable impact. Even though I was too young to understand many of the nuances, the pictures of the books alone were enough to make my mind wander. I remember having an odd fascination with the sirens of Greek Mythology, the mermaids of Irish Lore, or the story of Horus’s conception in Egyptian Mythology. All these stories seemed to have amazing works of art featuring scantly clad women which I admired. All I know is the interest has stayed with me into adulthood, and has been easily incorporated into my kinky activities.

While it might be difficult to see an interest in mythology as easily fitting within a kinky lifestyle, the interest goes deeper than that for me. On a personal level, exploring different mythological stories has opened the door to a broader comfortability in discussing human sexuality. At first, the stories allowed for a separation when discussing such topics. Today though, I’ve grown more comfortable examining ancient views of sexuality in comparison to my own. This comfort in discussing and analyzing my kinky interests has become invaluable. History can be exciting on multiple levels, and that does continue to include my sex life.

Reading – Probably alongside my interest in history remains an avid devouring of books. Even as a child, I read anything I could get my hands on. Unfortunately, kinky books seem to fall unexpectedly into my lap. As early as I can remember, I’ve had a terrible problem with finding kinky and erotic sex scenes in the books I choose. Initially, such books left a blush on my face so red others had to know what was going on. While no one ever pointed out my embarrassment, that also meant I was left helplessly navigating the world of adult literature by myself. Book after book I devoured always seemed to have some sexual element to it that later shaped my own kinky interests.

Each book I read leaves an impression in my mind, and some are savored for years. As a young teen, I came across Carmilla while pursuing my love of vampire literature. The lesbian themes in that book made my mind wander throughout my high school days. By then though, I had discovered other unexpected gems. I’ll never forget my first read of the book Aztec, a book that I found myself unable to put down despite the social taboos and erotically written scenes throughout. In the depths of my mind these scenes and those like them easily came to life.

Today, my Master and I share our love of books and reading. I’m quick to devour any title he recommends, and even more thrilled when these books have a BDSM theme to them. The books directly open the door to conversation topics that may otherwise not come up easily. While I’m getting better at voicing any kinky thought, I still take comfort in the excuse to bring up such topics. Books specifically dealing with BDSM themes have allowed for later analogies as well, which helps at times in expressing my own views or emotions while I may not know how. Reading has actually become a huge wonderful addition to my kinky lifestyle.

Writing – To go along with my devouring of books is my love of writing. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and these days I’ve seen such a goal become reality. Focusing on erotic books, I can’t help but notice the direct impact this interest has on my kinky endeavors. Now not every story showcases my own views on what I consider erotic, but there’s a certain unique thrill in the ability to write my personal fantasies down in detail for my Master to read. My love of writing though has recently taken a more valuable turn in being integrated into my kinky life.

This blog has blossomed out of my love of writing. I express myself better in written word at times more than spoken. Because of that, this blog has become a sort of safe place. When I write these posts, I simply let my soul pour out. Never do I worry about perfectly formed sentences, but rather, I treat this place like a personal diary. At times, I can’t wait to write another blog update. Sharing this blog with my Master has given it another level of incorporation into my kinky lifestyle. While he reads every post, I’ve never felt hindered by that fact. At the end of the day, I actually treasure the opportunity to express myself how I feel I communicate best. Plus, it’s nice to look back on my progress too.

Art – Mentioning this blog has made me realize another unique interest only recently incorporated into my kinky life. Artwork has always been a painful interest of mine. If I could I’d be a wonderful artist, but this talent is not mine to possess. I enjoy painting, decorating, drawing, even the weird smell of crayon mixed with ink on some poor piece of heavy paper. Knowing my interest in art would always remain amateur at best though, I’ve focused more on discovering how styles have progressed over the years. Discovering a new painting I love is worth every painstaking effort.

Getting to include art on this blog has opened the door to incorporating art into a kinky lifestyle. Many people choose to include pictures and kinky photo albums in their BDSM life, but paintings are often another story. I’m the kind of person that enjoys a nude portrait decades old with a romantic backstory on the living room wall. In a way, I suppose that once again incorporates history into this too. Often, paintings have amazing historical significance or backstories. I’ve gotten to finally include this interest into my kinky life, although in a small way.

There are so many more interests I could discuss, but in time, I’m sure they’ll all become linked. Non-kink interests being incorporated into a kinky lifestyle can only add depth to such relationships, and perhaps make it easier for others to understand or relate to later down the road. For now, I really enjoy discovering how I’m able to make such interests my own while living a kinky BDSM lifestyle. So many people look at the BDSM community with a cookie cutter attitude, and it’s refreshing to remember that our interests unite us but don’t have to define every little detail of our lives. At the end of the day, I’m a submissive but I’m also one of a kind.

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twenty Six – Online BDSM Play

“What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?”

When I first think of BDSM play online, I can’t help but recall all the meetup websites, online chat rooms, or social networking sites dedicated to such purposes. My first instinct is to say I’m against online BDSM play. In my experience, the online world is filled with people making outrageous claims or doing extreme acts. Considering online play will be the first time experience many have with BDSM, I’m against this potentially risky relationship.

Thinking the matter over more in-depth however, my opinion isn’t so clear cut. The mere potential of online play to become harmful, isn’t any different than physical BDSM play done in person. Looking at the situation from that perspective, I have to take an honest look at the positives and negatives online play provides. While I may not feel online play is as effective as in person play, that’s hardly for me to dictate onto another person.

At first glance, my initial feelings toward online play involve mainly chat room. This play would probably be best summed up in sexually charged conversations, picture exchanging, or heated written fantasies. With the advancement of social networking, there are simply more possibilities now. For those so inclined, online BDSM play can now include video sharing or exchanges. This opens the door to endless BDSM experiences all conducted discreetly over the latest social website.

Considering this form of play, I have to admit, I hardly disprove. For one thing, this allows individuals an exposure to BDSM play without the potential physical harm. Exchanging fantasies will help many individuals explore their kinky side, without going too far too soon. In a way, I’m actually hoping more people embrace this kind of exposure to the BDSM community. Keep in mind though, this would be a door opening experience more than anything else.

Another benefit to online play remains in the stereotypes surrounding BDSM. Because of the apprehension and disapproval out there, many individuals do not have the luxury of living a BDSM lifestyle openly. For many people, BDSM sessions must be conducted in private, if they can find individuals to engage in such play at all. Today, online play allows many of these people to satisfy their natural kinks. At least in this, I wholeheartedly support online BDSM play.

Still, there are a few negatives with only BDSM play taking place online. It’s worth noting, this viewpoint may focus heavily on those just starting their BDSM journey. That said, consider the things an individual cannot learn through such online play. The boundary pushing task of enduring a whip’s sting for example, cannot be learned over social media. An individual who is new to BDSM play in general, may get the wrong confidence of what they enjoy. When this transfers into in person play, the individual can have a vastly different experience.

Lastly, I feel it is necessary to discuss exchanging pictures in today’s society. While in the past there hasn’t been such a stigma surrounding sexual images, at least when sent privately from person to person. This attitude is changing. Today, individuals are starting to second guess such behavior. Many individuals involved in online play will find this a difficult subject to navigate, and the choice is always up to the person.

While online BDSM play has become more commonplace, finding a clear attitude on the subject is difficult. Personally, my own views reflect only my limited experience in the matter. For beginners, online play might be the door opener to a world they’ve always longed to have. On the other, online play can leave wrong impressions or permit possibly dangerous situations. For myself, the issue isn’t approving or disproving online play in general, but rather, for the individuals involved.

 

 

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twenty Five – Open Kinks

“How open are you about your kinks?”

With a blog like this one, it’s pretty easy to think I’m open about my kinks. Sadly though, it’s taken a long time to feel my level of openness qualifies as anything substantial. My path to living a relatively open kinky lifestyle hasn’t been easy, but the steps to getting here have been rather natural. Looking back, I never thought up a plan to becoming open it simply happened.

The first time I embraced an openness about my kinky lifestyle was in high school. While other girls wanted to date a classmate or friend, I had my eyes on older men. This natural tendency of mine toward older men never went away, and is one of the central parts of my kinky lifestyle. Embracing an open conversation with my own friends about my dating life was the first recollection of openness I have.

After that, I remained very reserved about my kinks. One of the main reasons for this happened to be my age. I knew the kinky lifestyle was something I wanted early on, and because of that I spent many years feeling like I had to hide my tastes from my family. How could I at fifteen, even eighteen, tell my family I was made to be submissive? Things weren’t always easy, but something wonderful happened when I graduated high school.

At eighteen, I published my first erotic book. For the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged to a community of like minded people. While I didn’t know it at eighteen, this would be a critical step in becoming more open about my kinks and choice of living a kinky lifestyle. For the time being though, things didn’t really change until I started dating my first boyfriend. We clicked instantly, as he had a love of all things BDSM, and embraced my kinks along with his own.

Having a boyfriend who was into BDSM left a lasting impression on my family. Little did I know it, but my family would remember my first boyfriend for years. Despite my lack of openness regarding my sexual tastes, my family could pretty much guess. To my surprise, they never said a word. When I began wearing collars, no questions were asked. My sexual tastes were explained away as a teenager’s rebelling or a punk style influence.

Meandering through this no questions asked, but also no disclosing began to eat at me. I wanted to have a relationship I felt was ‘normal’ or that lived up to everyone’s expectations. Sadly, this did not go as planned. Instead of embracing my kinks, I tried to hide them from everyone involved. Thinking I could change what I knew already at fifteen, was a bad idea. I spiraled downward, until things spiraled so far I couldn’t help but be more open.

Today, I’m still coming out of that initial spiral. While I no longer want to be ‘normal’ I want to maintain a level of normal for myself. Kinky is normal to me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My family doesn’t need to know my kinks, but they recognize I have a particular lifestyle. That arrangement works best for us, and a similar situation is true for any close friends. The level of disclosure depends completely on the other person, rather than myself.

The nice part of having a Master, is the lack of choice in the matter. My Master has pushed me, not to disclose my lifestyle, but rather to be proud of myself. Out of the pride that comes with being a submissive, also comes an initial radiation of the kinky lifestyle in the eyes of others. While I love having conversations on the kinks of others, erotica, and sex in general, some people are simply not able to have those conversations.

For me, an openness about my kinks has slowly transitioned into a workable acknowledgment. My writing has become a central part of my daily life, but so has my transition into living a constant life of submission. At the end of the day, I remain as open as my Master desires. Nothing is hidden from him, but everything can be disclosed or held back based on his own desires. Right now, I’m just lucky to have someone to disclose every kinky detail of my desires too. I couldn’t be happier.

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twenty Three – Developing Interests

“Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?”

To start out being completely transparent, I’m sure when I first started out in BDSM. My interests had always been there, but a start? Impossible to define. I do know though that I started out with some very interesting ideas. Some of these ideas have indeed changed, but others have remained quite steady. Curiously, there does tend to be some kinks of mine that neither change nor stay the same. These kinks are the core of my BDSM lifestyle, or have rather become so, as they are what I learn from on deeper levels.

The first interest that changed for me happened in the dominate/submissive roles. I always felt submissive, and I look at myself as a born submissive still. However, I rooted many submissive characteristics with my religious upbringing. As I’ve grown, my BDSM kinks continue to have less excuses. Now I don’t need to submit because I’m female, I submit because I desire to. This has been a critical change in my kinky nature, no guilt, no shame, but all the pleasure and joy. When I first started out, I would never have thought such a thing could change.

Another fun, but personal shocking change, was what it meant to be submissive. At first, I thought being submissive was simply doing as told. You know, doing all those kinky things whenever wherever. In time, this has now changed at the core of my being. There are some who can be submissive in that way, and that’s perfectly fine. However, I feel being submissive is beyond just doing what you’re told. My deepest source of pride comes in the smile I receive for anticipating a desire, a want, or even a question. There are so many different definitions to submissive, it just makes sense mine would change in time.

Changes take time, sometimes though, they take very little time. One of my more humorous changes has been my perspective of kinky people. If you had asked me what traits a kinky person had, I’d have said plenty of negative extreme things. Starting out, I didn’t know kinky people were so close! Obviously, I have such a wonderful opinion now of kinky people. There’s nothing truly different about us, we just happen to like or live BDSM. In fact, the world has now seen BDSM introduced into the mainstream. Maybe not all changes are positive… maybe some are.

One of the most significant changes I’ve had is one of both perspective and interest. My definition of “commitment,” “relationship,” and “partner” have changed beyond what I once had. This change has required that I broaden my personal perspective, and examine the core emotions plaguing my mind. We live in a society with so many different forms of love, respect, relationship, and partners. I never thought being into BDSM could change such core ideas, but it can and does.

Overall, there have been numerous changes in perspective, personality, and interest. BDSM has actually made me into a better more confident person, and I’m a submissive! The changes I’ve experienced have always been for the better, despite not always being pleasant or easy. BDSM lifestyles require communication, love, openness, and commitment. At the end of the day, BDSM can be so much more than the weekend kink so many portray it to be. BDSM has enriched my life, and I’m all the happier for it.