Thoughtful or Thoughtless

“Which is better, to love a beautiful woman on the surface, or dare to love a woman’s inward beauty?”

Men for the longest time, have debated whether a woman is better to have good looks, or a good mind. That’s not to say that women possess one or the other, but many times, one is preferred over the other. This debate has gone on and on, with many people feeling that there can be no conclusion. Any failure to see the true conclusion of this debate however, is in the sight of the man. Often, the man looks to his own experience to figure this debate out, but a true man, to find the answer, must look to the past. We find that the past is a good teacher, at least, when it comes to the desires of men, and how women are to be handled. That’s not to say the majority of instances are correct, but rather, given the correct circumstances, the answer is often the same. Better yet, the answer is suitable to both men and women alike.

Examining the mistresses of Kings, one comes to a startling find. When it comes to the position of Maitresse de Titre, the women often have the same trait above all others. A Royal Mistress, to the point of appointment and power, was a woman to be recognized and respected, holding the keys to the kingdom. A King had the choice of any woman in the kingdom, and yet, time after time, women of beauty didn’t last. Very rarely, did a woman of beauty ever make it past one night in the King’s bed. A woman who was pretty to look at, was not a joy to talk to, was not a pleasure to indulge with, and after time, grew quite boring. Arguably this would be true with any man in the same position, and can be assumed true today. What excites men at the core, does not change century to century, but rather, remains the same.

No, the position of Royal Mistress was reserved for the most thoughtful of women. Time after time, a King would endure the teasing of having an “ugly” mistress. Having forgone the most beautiful of women, a King was more delighted in the plain but intelligent girl. What truly filled the King’s chambers at night, was conversation, occasionally followed by passion. It was not uncommon for a woman to seduce the King with talks of architecture, decorating, or even politics. Surprisingly, many women found themselves a refreshing source of comfort to a tired King. Often times, a King found himself truly in love, despite the plain face that jumped at his word to meet him. What truly captured the heart of a man, despite time, countries, and position, was the intelligence and kindness of a woman.

For each man, the beauty of a woman in such a position was different. Some fell in love with her smile, others the way the mistress held a conversation, and above all else, the way she could make a man feel singled out. Because of the inward beauty of a woman’s mind, the King often found that she was second in power only to his whim. To imagine, that at times, the Mistress de Titre was at one time, a common woman, captures the potential of an educated woman,  Status to a woman at one time, was even more important than it was to a man. A woman’s best chance at survival was her position, and the best way to survive, was the seducing intelligence of a Royal Mistress.

At times, diplomatic incidents could be started, all over the latest Royal Mistress. The whims of a man’s passions ensured that beauty could get a woman much, but it was temporary. Long term, a woman had to be more than just beautiful. A true woman worth keeping, worth enjoying, had to be mindful and thoughtful, forward in her thinking. That was true then with the desire of Kings, and it is true today to the common man. It matters little how much times have changed, or what standard an educated woman is held to. The truth of the matter remains the same, that a woman is best valued for what she truly has to offer. To put it bluntly, any woman can lay there for a man to have his way. It is quite another woman that cares to know the depth of a man’s heart, and what truly heightens his desire.

Trinkets, Coffee, & Anticipation

“So let me get this straight, being up for that long has consequences? Who said coffee was the cure to end all cures!”

Landing in an airport, where they don’t speak your language, is eye opening to say the least. There are signs to read in four different languages, conversations going in half a dozen more, and somewhere is the proper place to go. Often times, it really is hard to find your desired language. Being a slave, traveling alone, I wanted to blend in as much as possible. Sadly, that’s hard to do when my main language is English, and I’ve barely started to learn German. What I did know of German, which I happened to be quite proud of, was sadly at this point useless. Despite the German flags, trinkets, and signs, the main language I heard being spoken was French. Not only that, but I’d then been awake officially for close to twenty hours. I was tired, way too tired to remember the proper nouns, let alone their proper tenses.

With a five-hour layover though, there was plenty to explore within the airport. Despite my poor use of langues, I managed to find out the airport offered free wireless internet. I had been clinging to my iPad in hopes of this being possible, and with a wireless connection I could call my Master. To say we were both overjoyed by this surprised communication is an understatement of the highest kind. There was a desperate nature, especially after having flown for so long, to communicate with my Master. We talked about everything under the sun, but I found myself extremely proud. When my Master said I’d accomplished something amazing, I accepted it as fact. No longer did I try to suddenly play things down, or think myself unworthy of such praise. My Master’s compliments were mine to enjoy, especially feeling that I’d done something to earn them.

Being honest, those five hours went by quicker than I ever imagined they would. I do have a tendency to get lost in my Master’s conversations. When my iPad finally died though, I had about an hour to occupy my time alone. By then, I actually knew my way around the airport. I managed to find a place that would accept my currency, and even got a few coins back in local currency. That coffee was the only thing I really wanted, despite being hungry. Flying is best done on an empty stomach, well, at least when nervous. It finally started to dawn on me that the next few hours, I’d be with my Master. There was an immense excitement that took over. Nothing in the world could honestly have calmed me then. After getting on that plane, it’d only be another two hours…a long two hours.

Spending time in that airport though, I realized that I was finally living. Everything had a new sense of wonder, a new way to look at it. Dozens of shops were in that airport, and I went through many of them twice. I aimlessly just took in various trinkets, looking at them with a slave’s wonder. My mind understood that for the first time in my life, I was suddenly free. There was nothing limiting me other than my Master’s intentions, and my own mental ability to accept my wants. I bought nothing, despite having set out to do so. For me, the true wonder was in the experience, and I didn’t have to buy that…I couldn’t buy that. Confidence just flowed through me, and this was greatly showcased by how others treated me. I knew by the end of the day, my Master would be exceedingly proud of me all over again.

There were plenty of things that could have gone wrong in that last hour. My plane was late boarding, taking off, and arriving. The gate was extremely hard to get to, within a short amount of time. Irony was not being able to tell my Master whether I was on the plane or not. The original problem, after all that communication, was still there. Despite that though, I knew at the end of the day, I’d be there with my Master. The bed I would sleep in, finally, to get some much needed rest, would be my Master’s. There was great excitement, so much so that I thought I’d never be able to sleep. To my surprise though, once aboard the airplane, I was asleep shortly after takeoff. Thankfully, I wandered in and out of sleep, staying roughly aware of just how few hours of waiting was left.

The Vantage Point of Self

“There’s always two sides to every coin, if you hold one long enough though, you’ll find one weighs more than the other. Does that indicate one has more value than what’s on the surface?”

Flying for seven hours is not an easy task, especially when your mind races through thought after thought. Take off is one of the more eventful parts of a flight. For people like myself, who have flown once or twice before, we brace ourselves. There’s never a way to avoid the sensation of take off. This time though, my stomach tended to stay in that state that’s not quite normal, not quite nausea either. Looking out one of the plane’s many windows, I was actually a little sad. It’s hard to deny leaving the only country you’ve ever known, when you’re watching it disappear underneath layers of clouds. After take off though, there’s not much to really do or look forward to until landing or even approach. So, for seven hours, I, a nervous slave, was trapped on an airplane with nothing but my thoughts.

I wish I had been able to share every thought as they happened, but then again maybe I don’t. The flight was extremely long, and because of that I had no choice but to relax. Shortly after take off, we were given some drinks and food. This is important solely for the fact that up until that point, I’d forgotten about food. My life had been focused on particular task, and suddenly with no tasks, I could concentrate on what my body needed. I wanted a hug, to be held for a long long time, and then to have a meaningful conversation. My Master and I would stay up late for hours, having meaningful conversations, and suddenly, I had to go without that for hours! It’s hard to discuss so many of the things I wanted in that moment, many are simply too numerous or intricate to list.

After settling down a bit, I can’t tell you how many times I reached for my phone. I’d just hold it, put it back down, and then go back to having nothing to do. Staring out the window didn’t help, as it was pitch black outside for multiple reasons. No, on that seven hour flight, there were no distractions, no place to hide. I began, slowly, to think about what I’d have to do on my layover. A five hour layover, and probably not even being able to speak the language. Besides that, it was at that moment I’d have to be on my own. I can’t describe what that feeling is like for a slave. To finally feel free, to do the greatest task a Master could ask, and then to not be able to communicate any part of it. There’s a loneliness to that moment, and I drowned myself in happier thoughts. In my mind, I skipped the layover tasks completely, and moved right to my final flight.

While I may have wished to skip the layover in my mind, I couldn’t escape the truth. I couldn’t sleep on that seven hour flight, no matter how hard I tried. Tossing and turning, as I thought of my Master finally holding me, just simply being loved. It’s not easy to piece together the rapid nature of the comfort of that and many other thoughts. For seven hours, I was entertained solely by thinking through what would happen. It suddenly, for a moment, no longer about what I’d done in this process. My thoughts became focused on what I would do, what was to happen, and how wonderful it would be. This ended up lasting the rest of the time. I didn’t go back after that point, probably because I was able to stay relaxed. Even the thought of my Master was enough to ground my mind, if not my entire being.

All was well the rest of the flight, and I was awake to see what sunrise looked like at that height. Breakfast that day, that start to the rest of my life, was the best one I had up to that point. Something so simple, with such a new outlook, made all the difference in the world. As a slave, I hadn’t really changed that much, as I was still the girl that could carry out such tasks. The difference was in the confidence of achieving those tasks, even when feeling somewhat alone. Having to complete the tasks wasn’t the hardest thing, it was conquering myself. To will my mind to think of the future, not to dwell on the past or past mistakes. The vantage point of how I saw myself needed to be changed, and once it did, all was alright. Everything had a new sense of wonder to it, and actually, that curiosity hasn’t stopped even now.

Crowds, Airports, & Slaves

“Airports are cities of their own, but there’s also no leader. They’re in a constant state of rebellion and unrest. You want me to navigate myself in a place like that?…”

Airports are like a world of their own, well, at least a country all their own. Busier airports on top of that are the worst to navigate in alone. Traveling to meet my Master, as I’ve said before, did require some flying. No matter how many times we talked about what to do at the airport, it still doesn’t compare to actually going through it. Flying out of Chicago, when I haven’t flown much before, was a bit crazy. Being dropped off at the airport made everything final, as up to that point, I could turn around. Once at the airport, my mind really had only one direction to go. To be honest, I’d like to say I was scared, nervous, even worried, but I can’t. Part of this certainly was being able to still call my Master, who knew how at the very least, to direct me. No, I wasn’t able to be worried or scared, simply because there wasn’t enough time.

Navigating the airport was extremely frustrating, but I started to notice behavior changes about myself. Usually, I’d have hated to be alone, especially in an unfamiliar place. This time, with the ability to call my Master, I was able to function more like a slave. There’s an odd confidence that slaves have, which transfers to situations like this. I was able to blend into different crowds of people, or walk alone with absolutely no worries. That skill ended up being an extremely good thing, as I ended up traveling quite a bit around the airport. Not to mention, I ended up asking four people different questions, while usually I’d have been afraid to ask a single one. Being a slave, especially with a determination to do a task, there’s not much I wasn’t willing to do. My comfort zone had earlier been erased, or at the very least, recreated.

There were many frustrating things about the airport, things that the average traveler experiences. For me, the main thing seemed to be how there were never instructions. I’d never traveled before, and for the most part, didn’t even know how to get my tickets. Once at the correct place however, it was unusually easy to simply watch people. It’s my understanding that slaves are good at this skill too. We, as slaves, watch people, learn the situations, and then make our own judgement or conclusions. The strange part is, the majority of people at the airport seemed to be the same way. Everyone, once they get in a crowd, starts acting like a slave would. Whether this made me more comfortable or not, I can’t say, but I can say I made it through the process rather easily.

So, after getting my tickets, and finally finding the correct gate, I talked to my Master. We had what I can only think was the usual conversation. In that situation, what really is the usual conversations that take place? Anyway, there was one fact that made me extremely nervous. After I got on the plane, my phone would no longer work, and I’d be essentially on my own. That was a really nerve inducing fact for me, as I just don’t operate that way. Consider, I’d hadn’t gone more than about four hours without talking to my Master, for weeks. Now, after flying halfway around the world, and having a layover, I wouldn’t be able to communicate with him. That was a tough fact, but I still got on the airplane knowing I’d do whatever necessary. Slaves have an unusual amount of trust, a level many other people would see as stupid, or childish. That level of trust though, made all my actions doable.

That initial flight was the hardest to make for a number of reasons. The airport was hard to navigate, I couldn’t go back, the security was annoying, and many more reason. There was also the emotional ups and downs, ones that go with leaving the only country you’ve known. All that isn’t easy to do, especially when there’s no one to call right away, just because of a layover. Fear is a powerful thing, but it’s even more frightening as a motivator. To overcome those things is something, that at times, only slaves can truly do. The seven hour flight wasn’t the real hardship to overcome, it was every little task in the process. That overall process changes a person, and changes the way a slave thinks of themselves and their abilities. After getting on that flight, I knew, deep down, that everything would be okay….one way or another.

Accepting Slavery & Freedom

“What changed wasn’t the reality, what changed was the awareness of the situation.”

Traveling as a slave, is a difficult thing that a free woman wouldn’t understand. Deep down, there’s the knowledge that a slave won’t fail. In many ways, failure is never an option for a slave. A free woman can’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong, and no doubt feel a sense of failure before one starts. While a slave does certainly think of all the issues that are possible, it’s to weigh them. There’s a preparation that’s unique between a Master and slave, that between the two, every situation is usually covered. Because of this, traveling as a slave is difficult in unique ways. Don’t get me wrong though, there are many areas where a slave feels the same emotions as anyone else. For example, nervousness, excitement, confusion, and overall anticipation are emotions that are all too common.

For myself, I actually had a five hour, closer to six hour, drive to the airport. Sitting in a car, even while talking to my Master, left me with many thoughts. There was an emotional cycle that took place, though it took awhile to be aware of it. Because I was leaving, there was a feeling of sadness. During this stage, communication with my Master was extremely important. He kept me grounded, and motivated through the emotional sadness. Again, he was extremely patient with me, enough that in time, I slowly transitioned into an accepting stage. This acceptance lasted most of the car ride, slowly turning into a greater sense of relative calm. See, even slaves have moments of weakness, though they might be indiscernible to most. That entire car ride, I went through those moments, though honestly, doubt wasn’t too common of a feeling.

The emotions a slave feels when they second guess their actions, is not the same as is typical. For a slave, doubt isn’t the same as second guessing. A slave approaches the situation knowing that her Master is ultimately right. At times, a slave must get to that same conclusion, multiple times, in many different ways. Only then, does a slave, at least when second guessing, feel like they can carry out the appropriate actions. Over time, with the process being repeated over and over, a slave can eventually move on to a different emotional stage. Acceptance can be a hard stage, especially in a situation of traveling halfway around the globe. Despite acceptance being a step forward, it also means the individual is resigned to a single outcome, especially with the attached variables.

With acceptance, there’s the emotional state that takes place, which is more commonly felt. This stage is the one where most people would get stuck, or often simply frozen. The stage of acceptance, is actually where a slave starts to feel nervousness, as well as excitement. My mind, once hitting this stage, even on the drive to the airport, was never the same. I couldn’t go backwards, only forwards, which included being extremely nervous. What I was nervous over I can’t even yet exactly place, perhaps it was my life in general. One thing I do know, was it wasn’t a fear of being rejected, disliked, or even being unable to completely travel. No, overall, I’d say there was a nervousness about finally being free, because of my slavery. I hadn’t up until that point, really had an opportunity to be free, because freedom to me, means being a slave.

Perhaps that’s the true secret of it all, the truth of the whole post. Being a slave, means that I am at the same time free to be myself. During that car ride, what I had to accept wasn’t the emotional upheaval of moving, but becoming myself. Most people are born into their freedom, I had to travel halfway around the world for mine. That process does have an emotional cycle to it, along with all the rest of becoming oneself. Traveling can sometimes be the easy part, and the tough part is actually the moments of quiet. Having nothing to do but wait, can leave a slave alone with their thoughts. Having my Master there through that process, honestly, made the whole process easier. It was the one reminder I had of why it was all worthwhile, and what keeps me grounded still.

Being Together

“Being yourself is the only thing that truly matters in this life. Others can’t be you, only you can be you. If you live to make others happy, you’ll lose yourself altogether.”

Slaves belong with their Master, there’s never been a doubt about that. Leave a slave alone without her Master, and within seconds, the slave will feel the loss. In fact, the mental struggle a slave will go through, even momentarily without their Master, is not a pretty one. As the relationship between Master and slave builds, so does the need for closeness. There are moments that Masters and slaves can only share together with physical presence. So the fact that, as a slave, I was halfway around the world, wasn’t going to work. Ever since becoming a “formal” slave, I knew that eventually, I would have to travel. Overtime, I even grew to a point where I could no longer stand the separation between my Master and I. There was a huge need that just built up, one that formed in the depth of my desperation, or the needs I possessed as a slave.

Slave needs can motivate a slave to do a great many tasks they normally wouldn’t. Without my Master with me, I didn’t think i could do all the necessary steps to travel. There were many steps involved in the traveling process, especially due to traveling internationally.The list of difficulties is endless, packing, obtaining a passport, buying a plane ticket, and the emotional separations are tough to handle. While my Master was there for every step of this process, guiding which ones to do when, carrying out the task can still be quite difficult. Sure, there’s the knowledge that at the end of it all I’ll be with my Master, but that doesn’t help at the time. Sometimes the true motivating force is to just complete the task, breaking the entire process up into small redundant tasks. This leads however, to simply sitting there, with nothing to do, and being driven mad by it.

Truth be told, traveling is stressful enough, but traveling as a slave, can be far more stressful. My Master and I barely slept the last week, maybe even the last two weeks. It wasn’t worry or fear, but rather the anticipation of finally being together that kept us from sleeping. At times, the sleep we did get was only due to there being pure exhaustion, only to wake and feel just as tired. What mattered though was being together, at least as much as possible. Planning was better when we both contributed, a trait many wouldn’t realize. A Master can’t have a slave travel just by his own doing, it takes the slave’s willingness and knowledge to do it as well. In some ways, traveling for a slave, can be a testing of their true strength, determination, and dedication to her Master.

The emotional ups and downs are not only normal, they’re expected of a slave. Most people don’t pack all they own, and then fly out the country. As a slave, I was heavily dependent on my Master through the whole process. Once I started travelling though, there wasn’t much to be done for help. There are feelings of loneliness a slave will feel, while also feeling extremely excited at the same time. It takes a wonderful Master to understand these emotional ups and downs. Mine showed immense patience with me, and it takes more than one blog posting to show it. I did have a few moments where I wanted to break down and forget the whole thing, but I couldn’t and didn’t. My Master understood what I needed at those times, though sometimes, all I needed was someone to simply listen to the solutions in my head.

Traveling is extremely difficult, but it can also be a necessary part of a slave’s life. Not every slave will have to travel to the extreme lengths of my experience. For me though, it was perhaps the biggest step I will take in my lifetime. Masters and slaves truly belong together, and once together, will rarely separate. Now that I’m with my Master, having recovered from jet lag, and settled into a routine, I can start retelling every experience. At times there were emotional ups and downs, but truth be told, I’d do the whole thing again. Out of the experience I became a different person, a more confident person, and truer to myself than I’ve ever been. I was born a slave, it’s in my nature to be so, and now that I’m with my Master, there’s no reason to ever feel doubt or shame about it. Truth be told, I’ve never been so happy.