“There’s always two sides to every coin, if you hold one long enough though, you’ll find one weighs more than the other. Does that indicate one has more value than what’s on the surface?”
Flying for seven hours is not an easy task, especially when your mind races through thought after thought. Take off is one of the more eventful parts of a flight. For people like myself, who have flown once or twice before, we brace ourselves. There’s never a way to avoid the sensation of take off. This time though, my stomach tended to stay in that state that’s not quite normal, not quite nausea either. Looking out one of the plane’s many windows, I was actually a little sad. It’s hard to deny leaving the only country you’ve ever known, when you’re watching it disappear underneath layers of clouds. After take off though, there’s not much to really do or look forward to until landing or even approach. So, for seven hours, I, a nervous slave, was trapped on an airplane with nothing but my thoughts.
I wish I had been able to share every thought as they happened, but then again maybe I don’t. The flight was extremely long, and because of that I had no choice but to relax. Shortly after take off, we were given some drinks and food. This is important solely for the fact that up until that point, I’d forgotten about food. My life had been focused on particular task, and suddenly with no tasks, I could concentrate on what my body needed. I wanted a hug, to be held for a long long time, and then to have a meaningful conversation. My Master and I would stay up late for hours, having meaningful conversations, and suddenly, I had to go without that for hours! It’s hard to discuss so many of the things I wanted in that moment, many are simply too numerous or intricate to list.
After settling down a bit, I can’t tell you how many times I reached for my phone. I’d just hold it, put it back down, and then go back to having nothing to do. Staring out the window didn’t help, as it was pitch black outside for multiple reasons. No, on that seven hour flight, there were no distractions, no place to hide. I began, slowly, to think about what I’d have to do on my layover. A five hour layover, and probably not even being able to speak the language. Besides that, it was at that moment I’d have to be on my own. I can’t describe what that feeling is like for a slave. To finally feel free, to do the greatest task a Master could ask, and then to not be able to communicate any part of it. There’s a loneliness to that moment, and I drowned myself in happier thoughts. In my mind, I skipped the layover tasks completely, and moved right to my final flight.
While I may have wished to skip the layover in my mind, I couldn’t escape the truth. I couldn’t sleep on that seven hour flight, no matter how hard I tried. Tossing and turning, as I thought of my Master finally holding me, just simply being loved. It’s not easy to piece together the rapid nature of the comfort of that and many other thoughts. For seven hours, I was entertained solely by thinking through what would happen. It suddenly, for a moment, no longer about what I’d done in this process. My thoughts became focused on what I would do, what was to happen, and how wonderful it would be. This ended up lasting the rest of the time. I didn’t go back after that point, probably because I was able to stay relaxed. Even the thought of my Master was enough to ground my mind, if not my entire being.
All was well the rest of the flight, and I was awake to see what sunrise looked like at that height. Breakfast that day, that start to the rest of my life, was the best one I had up to that point. Something so simple, with such a new outlook, made all the difference in the world. As a slave, I hadn’t really changed that much, as I was still the girl that could carry out such tasks. The difference was in the confidence of achieving those tasks, even when feeling somewhat alone. Having to complete the tasks wasn’t the hardest thing, it was conquering myself. To will my mind to think of the future, not to dwell on the past or past mistakes. The vantage point of how I saw myself needed to be changed, and once it did, all was alright. Everything had a new sense of wonder to it, and actually, that curiosity hasn’t stopped even now.
Phaedras Submission 