“Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.”
Deciding what to talk about after discussing so many topics has been quite difficult. I wanted to discuss what I’ve learned through completing this blog challenge, but then again, there’s so many other topics to go along with that. After thinking about it for a bit, I wanted to touch on the one topic that’ll sum up many of my views, experiences, and lessons over this blog project and first year of submission with my Master. My views of what BDSM entails, and what it even looks like have been dramatically impacted. My thoughts have changed, my understanding has grown, and I’d like to share those changes as I think they’ll interest many living a BDSM lifestyle.
When I was first told I would be living a BDSM lifestyle, I thought certain things. I had ideas about what I’d be wearing, how I’d be spending my day, and how my Master would interact with me. Quite quickly I learned that my Master had no desire to learn what these impressions were on my part. While he listened, while he was curious, at the end of the day, I was his to do with as he pleased. The choice of how I was “officially” submissive was his alone to make. I had given up that choice to him, and as a result had to simply trust the direction we would head in. Quite quickly, I discovered my Master was taking me to unknown places, and many of these places didn’t seem to be within my initial views of what submission entailed.
To start off with, I thought submission required a certain outfit or look. Yup, I thought a submissive had bonds on them, wore leather or sexy lingerie, and above all, I thought they spent a majority of their time tied up or on their knees. Such a view seems funny to me now, but I know where these ideas came from. Initial searches of the word submissive or BDSM turn up such results. In other words, I had ideas of what BDSM should look like on a surface level. Never had I actually lived a full BDSM lifestyle, and not doing so had warped my views of such things. Needless to say, I was shocked when my Master kept me unclothed, by his side in a chair, and allowed me the freedom to write at my leisure.
Given those privileges, I felt like a bad submissive. I wasn’t whipped regularly to remind me of my place. I wasn’t corrected for disobedience (at least in my mind). There were no spankings, no harsh words, and no bondage sessions. Instead, I found my Master to be quite intimate. His touch was gentle but insistent, a touch I easily longed for. The way he kept me at his side and cuddled endlessly with me thrilled my mind and soul. I cannot describe the vast difference such a soft seeming form of dominance was to me. This happened every day, never once did it change no matter how much I begged. Why did I beg to change what I enjoyed? Because I thought it wasn’t BDSM. I was afraid of not fitting the ideal definition of submissive.
Somewhere along the way I did many searches for BDSM themed images and quotes. I missed the common thread of what those quotes said. Instead, I focused on pictures and quotes of what I thought BDSM was. Physical BDSM was all I knew, and even that was a stretch. No one had ever told me there were other forms of BDSM. My Master told me he enjoyed a different form of BDSM, but I didn’t fully grasp such a concept. I thought, even with mental BDSM, I would feel the dominance. That’s the appeal of mental BDSM though, a submissive doesn’t always become aware of their submission right away. My Master was good at what he did, and I didn’t feel it at all. I was changing and learning, but failed to notice the overall way he dominated me.
Throughout the course of this last year, I lost some abilities. Okay, I gave them up to my Master (or rather he took them). One of the abilities I lost was to brush my own hair. Brushing my own hair is forbidden, and trust me, my Master notices if I do. This started without a firm rule set into place. After a bath one day, my Master simply brushed my hair for me. He told me he enjoyed doing so. That was all it took for him to take away my ability to brush my hair. The longer I let him brush my hair, the more my own choice to do so vanished. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t pick up the brush on my own. My Master never even had to say not to, he simply had to impact my daily routine.
Another thing that changed was my alone time. I’m not sure what alone time is anymore. My ideal alone time involved cuddling my Master, or perhaps writing while right beside him. I’m a part of my Master and much as he is a part of me, and so there is no separation. To others, this version of alone time seems absurd. Trust me though, I don’t handle being apart from him well. Because I don’t want to be apart from my Master, he’s been able to dramatically impact my habits. There are so many things he’s changed for the better. He impacts how I work, how I sleep, how I think, and how I daydream. All of these changes are positive, and were never felt during their transition. I was completely dominated, and never knew it.
This new form of dominance, once discovered and able to be seen in myself, dramatically changed how I see submission and BDSM. Mental BDSM is certainly a term I’ve come to view with endearment. That original picture of a submissive though, well that has changed. I’ve thrown away the stereotypes of what it meant to be a submissive. That’s the thing about living a BDSM lifestyle, not everyone is meant to live the same way. We all have different kinks and motivating fantasies, and because of this we have varying views of what submission looks like. Now, the way I see submission is best summed up in a quote… not an image. Perhaps the best quote is this: “She knew she loved him when home went from being a place to being a person.”
Phaedras Submission 