That Loving Feeling

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

– Confucius-

There are those certain sensations I can never quite work my mind around. I’m sure we’ve all felt them, those sensations that make your mind race all at once. At times, these sensations can cause some rather humorous experiences. A majority of the time though, submissives live in a perpetual prison of their own minds. Every moment there is that brief longing for another sensation to send the mind spiraling out of control. Feeling this involuntary loss of control is bliss, but at times, it doesn’t happen fast enough.

The thing about living a BDSM lifestyle is that we have to face the inescapable moments that life hands us. These are the moments where an exception is made. How often does a submissive get told never take their collar off, only to have to take it off shortly after? When do plans always go the way their supposed to? What Master doesn’t experience the same personality changes a submissive soon learns to expect?  Life is definitely filled with unforeseeable changes, and at times, these can be quite difficult to accept.

One of the most difficult things about mental BDSM in particular is being taught to crave those mind altering sensations so strongly. My Master early on taught me to long for each and every sensation. Lately however, I have had to learn that experiencing such things consistently is not possible. While my mind was working itself up to learn to crave my Master’s attention and touch at all times, my life was requiring a brief break from this lifestyle. The mental anxiety I went through before even recognizing this change was quite painful. My habits changed almost immediately, and certainly before I could even prevent such a thing from happening.

Essentially trapped in this perpetually unending change, I learned to live with the anxiety. I’ve never both wanted to shove someone away and wanted a hug from them at the same time, but I admit… it happened. Submissives like myself really struggle when we’re handed a bit of freedom or choices of any kind. My Master probably would have prevented my brief freedom or rather independence, but there was nothing to be done. Being given that freedom for two weeks only cemented in my mind that I’m a submissive. I’m a wreck with choices, I really am. Sadly though, even with my freedom, all I wanted was to crawl in a warm bed with my Master and feel some of those wonderfully freeing sensations again.

The worst part of this brief freedom was the fact I was still required to be submissive as well. A mental BDSM lifestyle does not take a holiday, and so there were inescapable limbo situations. While I craved touch, sexual intimacy, even BDSM oriented conversation to disclose more of my thoughts, I was forced to be content with making dinner and seeing my Master happy with that. The thing was even with my Master happy, I felt like I was drowning in failure. It’s amazing what a reassuring touch really means when you’ve been taught to crave it for so long.

I want those touches and feelings back, but I’m working right now to relearn suitable behavior. My Master I’m sure doesn’t appreciate what two weeks of independence did to my mental state. I’m easily frustrated now, and I bite back when offered helped. I feel I have to do things myself, because it was part of hiding my submissive nature for so long. I’m internalizing like crazy, and it was only two weeks! Defensive submissives are probably bad submissives, but all I can do is admit what happened. I’m learning to operate in my feelings of security again, but it will take time. I want my sensations back. I want the mental bliss to come back again, though I don’t know how strongly it will last this time. I’m scared of coming back to this anxiety filled place again, but at least my Master knows what I’m like and what I need to make it through.

My lifestyle is just that… a lifestyle. As difficult as this may get, as much as life seems determined to throw at me, I don’t get to stop being submissive. I guess I get the impression too many people think of BDSM as always easy, pleasant, and enjoyable. BDSM lifestyles are just as difficult as any other. My Master’s preference for mental BDSM especially may tend to make matters even more complicated. Often times, I really am a prisoner in my own mind. The nice thing is my Master can also make my mind a sanctuary. Right now though, I’m having a difficult time knowing which is which. I want a day where just the two of us can go and talk about BDSM and our thoughts and not be bothered by outside influences or interruptions… but that’s not going to happen.

I’m having to learn that sometimes the interruptions present opportunities. I don’t like that though, and I want another hug instead. Those first sensations, those first obsessive thoughts, those first ways to achieve bliss are irreplaceable. My Master leaves marks on my body no whip ever could, as the marks he leaves will never fade. I crave things I never thought with an intensity I can’t describe… and yet the craving will never be met… at least not for a long time now. It’s scary to think about that… to make room for the future lifestyle not knowing where the future will go. My Master insists I just trust him and take it day by day, but I still have troubles executing that mentally.

Life is definitely complicated for a submissive, especially one handed a momentary bit of freedom. The shift back into complete submission is difficult. Each experience leaves a mark that will never completely go away, though it can fade or change. Right now, I’m struggling to feel the same sensations that gave me a sense of security and comfort. I guess in a way, I’m overwhelmed by life. There was something so simplistic about before where all I worried about was my next hug, kiss, and weird thought. Now I’m having to learn there’s so much more intense feelings to suffer through. Being a submissive means having the confidence in my Master to know it’ll all be alright, but I can’t wait to be over this next lesson as it’s a difficult one.

 

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twenty Six – Online BDSM Play

“What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?”

When I first think of BDSM play online, I can’t help but recall all the meetup websites, online chat rooms, or social networking sites dedicated to such purposes. My first instinct is to say I’m against online BDSM play. In my experience, the online world is filled with people making outrageous claims or doing extreme acts. Considering online play will be the first time experience many have with BDSM, I’m against this potentially risky relationship.

Thinking the matter over more in-depth however, my opinion isn’t so clear cut. The mere potential of online play to become harmful, isn’t any different than physical BDSM play done in person. Looking at the situation from that perspective, I have to take an honest look at the positives and negatives online play provides. While I may not feel online play is as effective as in person play, that’s hardly for me to dictate onto another person.

At first glance, my initial feelings toward online play involve mainly chat room. This play would probably be best summed up in sexually charged conversations, picture exchanging, or heated written fantasies. With the advancement of social networking, there are simply more possibilities now. For those so inclined, online BDSM play can now include video sharing or exchanges. This opens the door to endless BDSM experiences all conducted discreetly over the latest social website.

Considering this form of play, I have to admit, I hardly disprove. For one thing, this allows individuals an exposure to BDSM play without the potential physical harm. Exchanging fantasies will help many individuals explore their kinky side, without going too far too soon. In a way, I’m actually hoping more people embrace this kind of exposure to the BDSM community. Keep in mind though, this would be a door opening experience more than anything else.

Another benefit to online play remains in the stereotypes surrounding BDSM. Because of the apprehension and disapproval out there, many individuals do not have the luxury of living a BDSM lifestyle openly. For many people, BDSM sessions must be conducted in private, if they can find individuals to engage in such play at all. Today, online play allows many of these people to satisfy their natural kinks. At least in this, I wholeheartedly support online BDSM play.

Still, there are a few negatives with only BDSM play taking place online. It’s worth noting, this viewpoint may focus heavily on those just starting their BDSM journey. That said, consider the things an individual cannot learn through such online play. The boundary pushing task of enduring a whip’s sting for example, cannot be learned over social media. An individual who is new to BDSM play in general, may get the wrong confidence of what they enjoy. When this transfers into in person play, the individual can have a vastly different experience.

Lastly, I feel it is necessary to discuss exchanging pictures in today’s society. While in the past there hasn’t been such a stigma surrounding sexual images, at least when sent privately from person to person. This attitude is changing. Today, individuals are starting to second guess such behavior. Many individuals involved in online play will find this a difficult subject to navigate, and the choice is always up to the person.

While online BDSM play has become more commonplace, finding a clear attitude on the subject is difficult. Personally, my own views reflect only my limited experience in the matter. For beginners, online play might be the door opener to a world they’ve always longed to have. On the other, online play can leave wrong impressions or permit possibly dangerous situations. For myself, the issue isn’t approving or disproving online play in general, but rather, for the individuals involved.

 

 

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twenty Four – Partner Qualities

“What qualities do you look for in a partner?”

At first, the ideal qualities of a partner are temptingly summed up in the material. It’s common to think I simply want a partner I’m attracted to, or that I want a partner that’s sexually adventurous. Common phrases such as, I want a partner that completes me, or the infamous someday my prince will come, do nothing to help. Summing up the perfect partner deserves better than society’s viewpoint, for the ideal BDSM partner, I need to open up about my own personal expectations.

What makes an ideal partner is not made up of my strengths, but weaknesses. As a submissive, I have personality traits that are well, a difficulty. At times, I find certain daily tasks almost impossible. The perfect partner then, can identify these weaknesses. Not only does the ideal partner identify my weaknesses, but he knows how to turn them into a positive. To him, my weaknesses are merely part of my personality, a trait to be desired. So, here’s a few examples of what goes into my perfect partner and the ideal working partnership.

Daily Protector:  I can admit it, I’m easily down on myself. What I love about my partner is the fact he protects me from this attitude. Initially, I thought guys protecting women came down to ownership or physical protection. This couldn’t be more inaccurate. What I need, what I crave most, has been this emotional protection from myself. The minute I start talking bad about myself, I get this look and a firm statement not to do it. That’s all I need, well… that and the really amazing hugs of reassurance.

Clear Ownership: Looking back, my one problem in life was wanting to fit in. Instinctively, I sought to belong in the ways only a submissive can. My partner has since shown me the error of my ways. As a submissive, I’m going to standout in wonderful ways. What I really need is to remember I have someone I belong to. At the end of the day, I have a man wrapping his arm around my shoulders claiming me as his own.

Bold Personality:  With a submissive personality, I often find myself sticking to the familiarity of minimal conversation. Stating my opinion, especially with men, isn’t an easy task. Having a partner that not only encourages such conversations, but expects them is incredibly necessary. The more my partner pushes with gentle precision, the easier it has been to state my opinions in the proper settings. Plus, it earns me one hell of an approving smile.

Pushes Boundaries: At first, this seems required for a Master and submissive relationship. This isn’t only sexual however, but a daily grind of my emotional self. As a submissive, I tend to be introverted. Having someone who requires me to come out of my shell, like it or not, is an essential need. The protective wall I’ve built around myself to function in a world of choices and independence doesn’t have to be constant. At times, I can lean on someone long enough to travel out of my usual boundaries.

Personal Relationship: It’s important to note when it comes to my own partners, I need a deeper relationship than most. My perfect partner is the person I spend forever with, and who knows me unlike any other. We can spend our days talking for hours, and still see the Master submissive dynamics between us in unspoken gestures. While this may not be ideal for most people, a personal relationship has become a need for my submissive self. To fully submit, I must have the ability and chance to learn all I can about my loving Master. After all, fully giving of myself warrants the investment of a personal intimate relationship.

The qualities of a partner are essential to narrow down before one can find their perfect partner. While I’ve mentioned a few of my most necessary traits, I recognize there’s a thousand more. I cannot express the importance of having someone who holds me, caresses me daily, or keeps me teased for hours on end. The way my Master makes me smile, especially when I feel like I can’t, doesn’t have a proper name to describe such a trait. In the end, maybe what it boils down to is love. My perfect partner is made up of love.

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Twelve – Humorous Kinky Experiences

“Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.”

While I’d like to say I haven’t had a single embarrassing or humorous kinky experience, I’d be lying to say so. I think the more experiences that someone has, especially when starting out, there’s bound to be one humorous moment or two. For me though, when I think of humorous moments, they’re usually also embarrassing. The link between humorous and embarrassing, is probably a familiar occurrence for most people, Taking a step back and examining those personal moments in my case, is actually quite a long list. Ruling out common misunderstanding, just plain odd occurrences, and those moments one would have to present to understand, I think I can narrow down a situation. Being honest though, it’s nothing spectacular or even too funny, it’s just one of those moments.

I was eighteen when I had my first really kinky experience, and with my inexperience came a bunch of humorous situations. Wanting to get away and have some alone time though, my boyfriend and I thought we’d go to a movie. The excuse was great, and my parents approved rather quickly. There was one condition though, only I could drive my car. Why this was such a big deal to my parents I’m not sure, but it was a steadfast rule. So, I was stuck, as a female, going on a date, and having to drive my car. Now the drive was only a half hour, and should have had no incidences at all, but this was not the case. My boyfriend, who had never seen the kind of cautious driver i am, decided to cause hell on earth. Without saying a word, he began playing with me while I tried to drive.

At first, I nearly went into the nearest roadside ditch, which was an immediate reaction to being touched. Now at this point, you might be thinking my boyfriend thought better of his actions…and you’d be wrong. Seeing that I nearly went into a ditch, he withdrew his hand, and allowed me to adjust. After a couple of minutes however, he began again to touch me while I drove. This is how i learned that this would be a consistent action for the half hour drive. Thankfully, I didn’t drive into a ditch, but I had to adjust my driving to account for my distraction. The speed I should have maintained was probably an average of sixty miles per hour. With my boyfriend’s insistent playing however, I was going closer to eighty. Which, I had never done so at any point up to that.

Luckily, there never was an officer to pull over the car, otherwise I’d have had to explain that too. No, I had never been so thankful to be parked in my life. The strain of having to concentrate on driving a car, all while not wanting to think at all…is something I shouldn’t have to explain to most people. For the rest of the day, I was able to sit in the movie theater and relax. Now I can be a little playful, and so I tried to get my boyfriend back while we were in the movie theater. To my surprise, he was really embarrassed. Even the most blended in obscure act, was enough to make him quite flustered and he blushed for quite some time. To my shock, when I got back in the car to drive, he kept his hands to himself. I had never laughed so much at that point. Afterwards, we were both able to laugh at the situation entirely without embarrassment and see the humor in it.

For me, that’s a memory I can look at and laugh on still. We both had remembered a sexual kink that the other had, and gone through some effort to indulge the others fantasy. When it turned out a little differently than we could have anticipated, we laughed about it. Sometimes, we just have to laugh at those moments, and recognize the effort that went into them. So many people think of BDSM as something completely scary and serious. Moments like these just prove that we’re all human, and we need to laugh at ourselves, even sexually, sometimes especially sexually. While I don’t expressly hope for more moments that are humorous, I can hope to laugh a little more. I hope that when the times comes that I do need to laugh, I can do so without any embarrassment at all.

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Five – My First Kinky Experience

“What was your first kinky sexual experience?”

For me, sharing my first kinky sexual experience, is a really personal thing. I generally don’t talk about it, so this is a really hard question to be honest about. Part of the issue is that for me, my first sexually kinky experience happened along with losing my virginity to start with. Losing ones virginity, especially as a female, is hard enough. Being kinky during that sexual experience, is another thing entirely. That being said, there’s not much that I would change about my first experience. My worry was that in the middle of it, I’d somehow decide I hated what was being done. When that didn’t happen, all else was just fine…well…better than fine. Expressing my kinks for the first time with another individual was especially important, and it really did shape the rest of my sexual experiences.

My first even somewhat kinky experience happened with my first kiss. Wearing a collar has benefits, and my first kiss happened by what I thought was accident. The boyfriend I had at the time, simply yanked my collar, pulling me close, and kissed the hell out of me. It happened so fast, that I almost didn’t realize what had happened. There was just something so kinky about losing control in a completely innocent way. After that, things just escalated between us rapidly, though somewhat controlled still nonetheless. Our relationship had many dynamics of dominance and submission, but it was the first time it had been done lovingly in my case. When my boyfriend wanted to touch me, he simply did so, no matter how much I feigned protest. We both just happened to understand the desires we both had, because we’d taken the time to voice them.

Actually having sex with my boyfriend was well, an entirely new experience. I’m so grateful with the time he took to build up the experience, being completely forceful in only the ways I needed. For the first time, I felt actually sexy, which was only built up by the way he looked at me. The first truly kinky experience was that he “made” me masturbate in front of him. There was no option, just a command, with a feigned reason to encourage my obedience. I just remember how vulnerable that felt, but how good it felt at the same time. Being completely exposed to my partner, who at the time, wasn’t exposed at all, was for me, the first kinky experience in my mind. There were plenty of others that happened before that experience, but it’s the one that I really felt to the core of my submissive nature.

After being made to touch myself for what seemed like hours in my vulnerability, he actually touched me. I know the shock of such a thing sounds silly, but it truly was my first experience. What I learned was that there are different dynamics to certain kinks. It’s one thing to touch myself feeling vulnerable, it’s truly another to have someone else control the touching. Things naturally escalated from that point on, making my first time a really important experience. Sexually, I did feel kinky, but I also felt that tug at the core of my being. For the first time, I felt my outward self matched my inside self. I now had an experience to match the kinks I knew I had. I know I said it before, but it’s so important, there’s not much that I would have changed about that first experience, and I know that’s a rare thing.

First experiences are tough, but at times, they’re easier than expected. The first kinky experience someone has, usually takes a lot of courage. There’s the vulnerability of asking for such a kink, and then the vulnerability of actually exploring it. With time we better understand our kinks, and our experiences grow. Generally though, we don’t forget the first experiences associated with various explorations into our kinky selves. There can literally be a thousand firsts, and even a few that may or may not be a first at all. Who gets to say what an exact first experience is? At times, there’s the act itself, but other times, there’s an emotion that goes along with the experience. Combining those two moments, I think are necessary to create a single first experience.

Working as a Slave

“There’s nothing more intimate than looking up into his eyes, and knowing I’m where I belong.”

Working is a fact of life for many people, and unsurprisingly, slaves work as well. There are certain things that change, as slavery changes every aspect of ones life. At times, these changes are serious, at other times, they’re simply hilarious. Most of my experience has been with the former, simply because of the amount of change. I’m sure for some slaves, there are very few changes that take place, but I’m not them. To give some background, I work a job that requires I interact with other people. Perhaps that fact alone, is why there have been so many surprising challenges. Do not take these things out of context though, they are still very welcomed and appealing. At times though, they do seem to make the tasks more complicated, but the tasks still aren’t impossible.

The biggest change for myself, was wearing a name tag. I touched on this with my Master, which helped the issue. In my mind, my name tag is incorrect. Name tags in general represent individuality and assume value or respect. These are things that for slaves are earned, or expressed by their Master. It’s not a good idea to tell my boss I’m a sex slave, so I’ve been forced to deal with this differently. For now, I simply don’t wear the name tag, and there have been no issues. If asked, I’ll wear the accursed item, knowing only my Master will ever truly know me. My Master doesn’t mind the name tag, has never spoken ill of it, but in my mind, I hate the thing. If I could, I’d burn it along with every pair of pants I own, which leads to my next point.

Clothing changes are noticed immediately, after two days of pattern, by female coworkers. I don’t know how this happens, but I want to know who did this. If there’s any gossip about my changes at work, I know it’s already starting. Coworkers admire my long hair worn down, but I can tell they want to know why it’s down. Wearing dresses in the winter is an odd choice here, and so many ask what I’m dressed nicely for. The lack of caring in how revealing my clothing choices can get, is also a topic of interest. If I ever found what gossip about me floats about work, I’m sure I’d laugh, it might be all true. Until then, I’ll just brazenly display my clothing changes. After all, it’s not like a new pattern being developed is out of the question. My Master can always integrate his tastes more and more into my working environment,

My work environment has changed in one big way, I am more aroused while working. This is an understatement, and should be believed as an extreme difference. Anyone who interacts at me, who I don’t know, is flirted with, sometimes unknowingly so. Flirting can be fun, but at the bottom of it, is the need for my sexual heat to be stoked even more. I’ve literally had orgasms at work, all without physical stimulation. If one has never felt that before, while in a skirt, I can’t describe it well enough. The wetness from it, will seem to want to run down your legs, all the way to a puddle at your feet. This will not be the case, but it will feel like it, and cause some very embarrassing moments. At times, I love looking up from the bathroom mirror blushing, and looking, like hell fire was captured in my skin.

There are many other examples of things like this, but they’re too many to touch on in one post. One cannot describe having to leave my Master’s feet. How the long shift is counted by hours, minutes, and eventually seconds. My schedule is not cause for excitement, but dictates how much I must leave my Master for a time. These changes are healthy, and many would argue social interaction is good for a slave. People who say this have never been a slave, as freedom for me, is in my submission. Trying to pass myself off as a “free” individual, is simply against my nature. There are no walls, no defenses, but there is privacy and sensitivity to my job. At times though, I want to just walk out the door, and crawl back up at my Master’s feet. Actually, I think that happens every hour, no matter what the reason.

The Way Thoughts Change

“I want you to show me every twisted, and frightened thought you’ve ever had.”

Let me start off by saying this post is not all encompassing, it never could be. With that out of the way, I want to talk about a more personal topic. For some this will seem boring, but I want to give more insight into myself. When a slave becomes a slave, there are certain ways of thinking that must change. Masters can regulate this slave to slave, as not all slaves want to end up at the same goal. Thoughts in general can be tricky things, as not all thoughts express the action that will be displayed. There’s the entire process to consider, and at times, I’m sure Masters are left scratching their heads in wonder. Every slave is different, but I thought I’d highlight some of the ways my own thoughts have changed. These are certainly not all of them, but they stand out as the most important ten thoughts. so far, in the overall process.

1. I want ….often becomes I wonder if Master enjoys/likes. 

One of the first thoughts that changed for me, focused on my wants. I found it extremely difficult to process wanting something, as I was getting accustomed to having few choices left. When I found a particular piece of clothing, food, or other item of interest, my mind wandered to my Master. It mattered instantly if it would be approved, allowed, or even valued. This opened the door to the next way of thinking.

2. What I want changes to what I really need.

Out of realizing my wants should reflect my Master’s taste more and more often, came differentiating between want and need. For some individuals, this never takes place, even outside this dynamic. Food, basic clothing, shelter, and I would argue value/love are all needs. It is important to process these differences, as they allow then for more realization and commitment. Overall, this thought change prevents asking for some really embarrassing “needs” in conversation.

3. Love changes to Value

This is going to be extremely hard to process, unless one has done so already. I mentioned above, that love/value is a basic need. For me, mentally, the two have become one, because they are expressed the same way. My Master, often chooses to say he values me. In my mind, this is what people often hear as the word love. Value is something that reflects worth, regardless of relationship. Men often say they love their wife, how many would be inclined to say they value them outright?

4. Clothing is not always physical clothing. 

When I appear before my Master, I do not wear clothing. This means I will probably never surprise my Master with a dress that highlights my features. I want to appeal to my Master, as I serve to pleasure him, and so my mind was stuck. One thought, finally broke through the confusion. When I think about the body I have, I start thinking about what traits my Master enjoys most. After picking one or two, I can try highlighting them with other features, such as how I sit in front of him.

5. Conversations are NEVER the same. 

This might only apply in my mind, but I thought to include it. At times, my Master says things I take to mean the norm. In many cases, I’m learning this is not the case. The obvious example would be that of value, as it has taken on new meaning. Sometimes, this allows for some funny interactions outside this realm. Imagine thinking of toy, slavery, collar, leash, or even punish the same way again. While I often am the only one laughing, my mind is a happy place of rationality.

6. Sir or Mr. do eventually turn into Master. 

Titles aren’t knew for anyone, nor is using them in many settings. For me, showing respect, as a slave, is extremely important. I am reminded of my place every time I do this, so I imagine the ramifications are great. Nothing prepared me for this mental change however, despite the rare use of Master. The first time a slave refers to a man in general as Master, it’s slightly jarring. Of course, one must be careful when throwing this title around, pick the appropriate people!

7. Personal matters are simply no longer personal. 

At times, there will be common knowledge facts or choices, that people will ask about. We’re all curious, and this is a given in any relationship dynamic or life choice. When asked directly as a slave, the thought will occur, “why ask me?” this is appropriate! While a slave will never respond this way, it’s important to note that the entire fact, is no longer recalled. The mental shift has finally taken place, a sense of identity is cut off.

8. Identity does shift to personality. 

I can see this one being expressed incorrectly, but I’m going to try. Identity is a social aspect, while personality is well, internal. My identity is slave, but my personality is still true to my essence. Things like my political opinion, my hobbies, my food tastes, or even my religion are not part of my identity. These things are personality, shown in such different ways, that sometimes only Masters can understand.

9. Choice does eventually change to a string of curses. 

Sometimes, choices can’t all be taken away at one time. Slaves will have to know their Masters inclinations, and especially his thought process. No matter how well the slave knows her Master, she will still curse inside her head at that moment. This may be the first thought, one that’s put aside quickly, but still, it’s slightly humorous. What’s important to realize, is that choices become either bad or opportunities to show value. There is little blending between these two thoughts in the slave’s mind.

10. Bluntness is a desirable trait. 

In my mind, bluntness has always been considered rude. Now, as a slave, bluntness has value, and is extremely important. Without being blunt, a slave risks losing needs, or opportunities to add to her value. If a slave wants to please her Master, she can and should say so, to whomever he deems fit. Likewise, the Master needs to know if the slave is truly having a problem. Bluntness is very good indeed.

Being Shown

“I am on my knees, waiting and ready, to serve you.”

Slaves, like myself, can be shown off at any time, for any number of reasons. At the core of this, there is great value. My Master, shows that I have value, and has shown me off. There is apprehension at first, and plenty of thoughts went through my mind. Surprisingly, these thoughts weren’t what I’d imagine. I wondered if my actions were permissible. How to properly greet someone is important, especially when being shown off. There was also a worry I wouldn’t be physically able to follow commands of my Master, which turned out not to be the case. Above all though, there were certain thoughts missing that are important to recognize. At no time did I feel shame, guilt, ugly, or doubt, and so many of these thoughts were instantly pushed from my mind. Usually, it’d take me months, if not a year, to interact in such a way.

When I was being shown off, I had at least the prior knowledge, I would eventually be shown off. This in no way made the action any easier to perform. Showing me off, brings great value in my Master’s eyes. I am always naked before him, and shown off in such a way. Oddly, this gave me greater confidence in myself, and my arousal increased accordingly. There’s nothing like knowing you are laid bare before your Master. Even still, is the awareness of respect others give, upon seeing such signs of devotion. There is great strength in submission and slavery, and for some, this shows immediately. Perhaps it was the way I could still hold my head up high, without the inclination to lower it in shame. In fact, shame doesn’t occur to me at all, and why would it, these are acts my Master desires.

What I was surprised to learn, was that speaking, while being shown, became difficult. It was easy to be physically shown, but speaking was another task entirely. Sorting out what to say, especially as a slave, is not easy at first. Proper titles should be followed and given, and I discovered I had not thought to ask. It’s important to recognize this, and store the question away for later. I’ve since learned the proper way to greet someone, much to my Master’s pleasure. After initially saying hello, I followed one simple rule. The rule was that I would not speak unless spoken to, and preferably by my Master. It was my own way of learning how to be properly shown off, and how to handle topics not yet discussed. In my eyes, all compliments of myself, go directly to my Master. At times though, my Master is fine with the accepting of such compliments.

For a moment, my Master was introducing me as a slave, to someone not aware of what it meant. To show what it meant, my Master had me cum for him. This is not what most people would think of, this was strictly doing so on command. I am kept constantly aroused, wet, and wanting. If my Master tells me to cum, or orgasm, or both, I do so within a minute or two. Up until my slavery, I could never do this, or even think of doing so. Needless to say, I performed happily so, and my obedience was picked up more than I knew.  It surprised me the pure happiness my Master felt, and I loved seeing him so proud. I cannot describe that moment, but it is equivalent to ecstasy in me. Realizing what made this moment more revealing, was the fact my Master owned my mind. The pleasure was both physical and mental, and it was clear, even to the one I was being shown to.

Being shown off is a huge honor, and I was shown off a few more times. The way I interacted with my Master was truly special each time. At times, I simply sat there quiet, knowing he enjoyed my presence. Other times, he seemed to include me for his pleasure in other forms. It is an interesting thing to be talked about, and yet not say a word. There is humility in this, and yet pride in it. My value to my Master increased, and for that I am thankful. Dare I say, I am actually aroused to be shown off, or simply there for my Master’s pleasure. I admit it freely without shame, I enjoy being shown off. There is not a moment I do not want to be at my Master’s feet. I belong to him in every way, and I am happily known as his slave. All that matters, is that my Master is pleased, even to show me off.

The Difference of Personality

“Never lose control. Give it freely to someone who knows how to take it.”

I am, at this point, a young slave. There are concepts so new to me, that I am left to take it all in with awe. At times, these concepts require admitting some hard truths. It’s not that these truths are not known already, they’re just not simply ingrained. When the issue comes up, because the thought is not ingrained, it’s easy to dismiss the truth. For one, like I was, trying to find the proper Master, I had learned some truths. These truths were all wrong, but I hadn’t, until now, learned the facts. Ingrained in my being, is the knowledge that not all men are made to be Master. While some men are dominate, it takes more than that to be a true Master. Finding a Master is hard, but finding a dominate man, is easy. This fact, is perhaps, one of the most frightening to a natural slave.

The problem with dominate men, is that the dynamic is quite different from how it’s suppose to be. Ideally, a Master protects his property, and a slave is allowed to be properly devoted to her Master. What often happens when a slave tries to be with a dominate man, is close to abuse. This isn’t to say that the man is even aware of the abuse he commits, honestly, he doesn’t know better. Dominate men rarely have the knowledge or experience a Master does, and so the relationship suffers. Usually, in these cases, the dominate man cannot take, and resorts to asking. This is done for a number of reasons, but mainly the uncomfortable nature of this task. Many times, the dominate man will love his submissive, and that can taint the dynamic. Submissive women are left feeling insecure, unloved, unexplored, and mentally abused.

The mental abuse a dominant man displays, may never be known by him. Because the submissive wishes to be a slave, it’s her nature. Adding to these issues, is the inclination of the submissive to silent endure it all. She deems the behavior necessary, and she’s devoted to changing. What to a dominate man is a simple comment, can turn into a routine, or rule for the submissive. Naturally, this results in many cases of confusion, misunderstanding, and resentful. Dominate men do not ever succeed in making a slave, as that is the problem. Slaves are not made, they are taken and then trained, by a Master who knows what he’s doing. It’s my belief, as a slave, that some Masters are simply born to it. They possess all knowledge necessary, and it’s ingrained in them, just as the need to serve is ingrained in my own being.

A proper Master can take a submissive, her consent or not, and make her a slave. While giving up her control, her choice, is necessary, the choice is ultimately made for her. The slave’s Master understands her nature, and her value, increasing it according to his pleasure. For a Master like this, there is one trait above all others, that sets him apart. A true Master will know the mind of his slave, because it is his. Her limits, her natural desires, her every thought, is known by him and for him. This allows a Master to flourish, and train his slave to his liking. In the end, I have the feeling, this is why others see a Master as dominate. In the minds of others, he has captured a slave so completely, that their own thoughts no longer belong to themselves. For a slave, this is true bliss, and the source of her devotion.

Masters are a rare occurrence, while dominate men are not. I dislike very much the ramifications of unequal understandings. Slaves seek out a true Master, and dominate men leave them empty. This isn’t even truly anyone’s fault, it’s just the natural way of it. Knowing this though, is extremely important, especially as a slave. Just because someone is dominated by a strong personality, does not make them slave. Only through understanding this important detail, can a slave begin to form some sense of value. The way her Master looks at her, will not be the same as a dominate man. Traits that stoke the fires of the dominate, may not be the desired trait of her Master. Knowing that one is truly owned, and to the extent of the Master owning her, is crucial.