Beauty In Submission

“Boys think girls are like books, if the cover doesn’t catch their eye they won’t bother to read what’s inside.” -Marilyn Monroe

At times, it’s easy to get caught up in a BDSM lifestyle. Submissives and Masters alike are prone to believing in the stereotypes often associated with adventurous sex lives. Living a BDSM lifestyle doesn’t always focus on sex however, leaving many men and women struggling to find how they fit into the BDSM mold. Once efforts to incorporate sex into every aspect of every single day have been exhausted, it’s understandable to be lost and confused. The definition of a submissive, or Master for that matter, doesn’t revolve around sex however but personality and overall desire.

Recently I’ve been forced to change my daily habits and this change has brought with it a new consideration into how I define myself as a submissive living a BDSM lifestyle. I’d like to pretend I don’t still struggle with the classic idea of submissive beauty… but I can’t. I see pictures of women tied up flawlessly with incredible amounts of rope, and think I don’t have a picture to match that beauty despite my Master enjoying such images. Every BDSM quote makes my blood race but also makes a part of me cringe in jealous disgust, as I don’t always feel capable of living up to such a pure idea of submission. No, living BDSM never has been an easy choice… but then again, there really wasn’t another choice to begin with.

Despite all these doubts, I’ve learned to grow confident. My Master has had to reassure me every step of the way, but I’m getting better at seeing through my feelings of insecurity. Part of being a submissive is longing to be found pleasing, and so, I’m stuck comparing myself to certain standards or concepts. The problem is… what really is the ideal submissive? Who decides what submission should look like? An easy answer would be to say my Master decides how submissive I am and what it looks like, but is this practical or even safe? If I solely define my submissive tendencies by my Master’s insight then what’s left for his discovery?

While I do certainly define certain parts of myself by my Master, I can’t define submissive beauty by his standard. I’ve never asked my Master what he considers the ideal submissive, or rather gotten no other answer than, “You.” which while sweet doesn’t help much. Being free to wander in a perpetual never ending search for what a beautiful submissive looked like, I found a surprising number of various answers. These answer caused me to delve deeper than the surface and ask the question I had been avoiding all along. I wasn’t questioning what beauty looked like in a submissive, but rather what a submissive looked like at all.

I think that’s why my Master could answer how he did every time I asked what the ideal submissive looked like to him. While I’m not the perfect submissive for everyone, I’m perfect for my Master’s needs. My Master sees me as submissive, beautiful, and therefore beautiful in my submission to him. This is also why I could never grasp my own beauty as a submissive, because I cannot physically submit to myself. As funny as it sounds, I really do believe this was the source of many initial conflicts within my mind. Now though, I’m learning to define submission in new ways.

True submission doesn’t always look well, submissive. I’m opinionated, and my Master enjoys watching me argue with his friends. On the surface, this behavior of challenging the opinion of men in particular doesn’t seem submissive in the least. Learning that such behavior is completely against my nature however, changes the issue entirely. For my Master, listening to me debate is a moment that showcases my beauty in submission. Cooking our meals might be routinely submissive to those outside the BDSM community, but it is in my knowing my Master doesn’t want to choose the food involved that really matters. The beauty of submission is definitely not what I first thought it was.

There are so many little ways I’ve learned to see submission in the daily routine. Most of these the average person could never pick up on, and many more no one but my Master will ever know to look for. My thoughts are a constant haven, though for my Master or myself I’m not sure. Submissives don’t always wear collars, rope, or even have any visible marks. Deep down though, there is a quality of submission no one will ever be able to take away. I am marked forever by my Master, and I am even more beautiful for it. True submission looks beautiful, and that’s all I ever need to remember. Beauty and submission are linked, and they go hand in hand perfectly.

Thirty Days of Kink: Day Thirty – Mental BDSM

“Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.”

Deciding what to talk about after discussing so many topics has been quite difficult. I wanted to discuss what I’ve learned through completing this blog challenge, but then again, there’s so many other topics to go along with that. After thinking about it for a bit, I wanted to touch on the one topic that’ll sum up many of my views, experiences, and lessons over this blog project and first year of submission with my Master. My views of what BDSM entails, and what it even looks like have been dramatically impacted. My thoughts have changed, my understanding has grown, and I’d like to share those changes as I think they’ll interest many living a BDSM lifestyle.

When I was first told I would be living a BDSM lifestyle, I thought certain things. I had ideas about what I’d be wearing, how I’d be spending my day, and how my Master would interact with me. Quite quickly I learned that my Master had no desire to learn what these impressions were on my part. While he listened, while he was curious, at the end of the day, I was his to do with as he pleased. The choice of how I was “officially” submissive was his alone to make. I had given up that choice to him, and as a result had to simply trust the direction we would head in. Quite quickly, I discovered my Master was taking me to unknown places, and many of these places didn’t seem to be within my initial views of what submission entailed.

To start off with, I thought submission required a certain outfit or look. Yup, I thought a submissive had bonds on them, wore leather or sexy lingerie, and above all, I thought they spent a majority of their time tied up or on their knees. Such a view seems funny to me now, but I know where these ideas came from. Initial searches of the word submissive or BDSM turn up such results. In other words, I had ideas of what BDSM should look like on a surface level. Never had I actually lived a full BDSM lifestyle, and not doing so had warped my views of such things. Needless to say, I was shocked when my Master kept me unclothed, by his side in a chair, and allowed me the freedom to write at my leisure.

Given those privileges, I felt like a bad submissive. I wasn’t whipped regularly to remind me of my place. I wasn’t corrected for disobedience (at least in my mind). There were no spankings, no harsh words, and no bondage sessions. Instead, I found my Master to be quite intimate. His touch was gentle but insistent, a touch I easily longed for. The way he kept me at his side and cuddled endlessly with me thrilled my mind and soul. I cannot describe the vast difference such a soft seeming form of dominance was to me. This happened every day, never once did it change no matter how much I begged. Why did I beg to change what I enjoyed? Because I thought it wasn’t BDSM. I was afraid of not fitting the ideal definition of submissive.

Somewhere along the way I did many searches for BDSM themed images and quotes. I missed the common thread of what those quotes said. Instead, I focused on pictures and quotes of what I thought BDSM was. Physical BDSM was all I knew, and even that was a stretch. No one had ever told me there were other forms of BDSM. My Master told me he enjoyed a different form of BDSM, but I didn’t fully grasp such a concept. I thought, even with mental BDSM, I would feel the dominance. That’s the appeal of mental BDSM though, a submissive doesn’t always become aware of their submission right away. My Master was good at what he did, and I didn’t feel it at all. I was changing and learning, but failed to notice the overall way he dominated me.

Throughout the course of this last year, I lost some abilities. Okay, I gave them up to my Master (or rather he took them). One of the abilities I lost was to brush my own hair. Brushing my own hair is forbidden, and trust me, my Master notices if I do. This started without a firm rule set into place. After a bath one day, my Master simply brushed my hair for me. He told me he enjoyed doing so. That was all it took for him to take away my ability to brush my hair. The longer I let him brush my hair, the more my own choice to do so vanished. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t pick up the brush on my own. My Master never even had to say not to, he simply had to impact my daily routine.

Another thing that changed was my alone time. I’m not sure what alone time is anymore. My ideal alone time involved cuddling my Master, or perhaps writing while right beside him. I’m a part of my Master and much as he is a part of me, and so there is no separation. To others, this version of alone time seems absurd. Trust me though, I don’t handle being apart from him well. Because I don’t want to be apart from my Master, he’s been able to dramatically impact my habits. There are so many things he’s changed for the better. He impacts how I work, how I sleep, how I think, and how I daydream. All of these changes are positive, and were never felt during their transition. I was completely dominated, and never knew it.

This new form of dominance, once discovered and able to be seen in myself, dramatically changed how I see submission and BDSM. Mental BDSM is certainly a term I’ve come to view with endearment. That original picture of a submissive though, well that has changed. I’ve thrown away the stereotypes of what it meant to be a submissive. That’s the thing about living a BDSM lifestyle, not everyone is meant to live the same way. We all have different kinks and motivating fantasies, and because of this we have varying views of what submission looks like. Now, the way I see submission is best summed up in a quote… not an image. Perhaps the best quote is this: “She knew she loved him when home went from being a place to being a person.”